once upon a time there was a girl. much like the boy i knew she too used to have an awesome set of values and goals and morals. this girl sought after Gods wisdom on one subject in particular - the subject of dating and/or courtship. she read books on the subject and discuss what she believed in. she lived her life according the the conviction that God had set upon her heart concerning such matters. her life was a relection of gentlesness, kindness, compassion and faithfulness to her family.

then one day, in the blink of an eye, everything changed.

still, no one knows what happened. often times i think about the manner in wich she spoke of a particular boy and how now, she blantently lies to my face, denying that she ever said such things about him. continuously she lies for him and makes excused for him. claiming it as a godly relationship, i dont understand how so many things about it contradict godly relationships in the bible.

with all of my heart, i want it to be done with. i want her to be strong enough to step outside of herself and see whats going on. i want her to be strong enought to recognize the hurt that so many she used to be close with, now feel. i want her to be strong enought to realize the damage done and try to, for once in her life, try to fix it with the sincerest of intention.

most of all i want her to realize how much more she deserves than what she is allowing for herself right now. how much more God has in store for her if she were just strong enough to accept it.

its so hard to be optimistic when you are a cynic. clinging to faith is all i have.

after explaining the drama that has unfolded in my life over the past few weeks, travis c. told me that i should quit watsons and apply for a job as the mitchells nanny. i think its a good idea, so im going to go pick up an application and apply to be the mitchells nanny. i have a good shot at getting the job too... seeing as though i already know them sort of semi okay and i live around the block and i have a pretty good resume... also no one (to my knowledge) is applying for the job. they *have* to let me have it. they have been without a nanny for so long, it will probably be refreshing to mark and teressia to finally have a nanny. and i dont think it matters that travis is 18 and rachel is like, 15 or 16. who knows how old ivan is *shrugs*. i think they could still benefit from having a nanny.

heather got fired from her job today. in a way, im envious. and alothough she owes me a rather large amount of money at the time, im glad she got fired. now she can move on to better things as far as jobs go. maybe something she likes better. at least she doesnt have to deal with kim anymore... shoot.


hmm... maybe i shouldnt be the mitchells nanny...

" I'm your huckleberry "


the newest addition to my collection. i guess we all know what i'll be watching tonight... after conan that is...

"you are going to love it... juuust love it..."

once upon a time there was a boy. the boy used to have an awesome set of values and goals and morals. there was nothing that could shake the boy of the things that he profesed to believe in. the boy studied books and listened to tapes and sought Gods wisdom on one subject in particular - the subject of dating and/or courtship. i used to admire this boys convictions and i had a deep respect for him because of them.

now, nothing makes sense. the boy goes against many of the things that he told me he belived in. he goes against many of the things that he used to strive to live his life by. has he sold out, so to speak? has he given in to comformity of the dating/courtship game? part of me wants to belive he has not... still, part of me believes that he has.

the lack of communication hurts. the failure to introduce me to his friend came off as rudeness and ignorance.

i still find myself thinking the world of this boy. i dont think i will ever stop, even in my anger, confusion and frustration, i love him. some things will never change.

some things will never change, but i guess what he used to live by did change. and it makes me sad.

we have been informed that for every ticket purchased to see eli in concert this upcoming weekend, a dollar will be donated to calvin crest conferences. how sweet.

i saw travis yesterday afternoon at the c.o.s. and it reminded me for some reason...

"I bet a funny thing about driving a car off a cliff is, while you're in midair, you still hit those brakes! Hey, better try the emergency brake!" Jack Handey

judy wants me to teach the kids about Lint starting next wednesday night... i told her i dont know anything about Lint but i guess thats ok becuase she still wants me to teach the kids about Lint. i guess it might be a presbyterian thing, since i dont know anything about it. i cant wait to find out though... if you know anything about Lint, or any good resources about Lint (i have NO idea where to begin) please e-mail me...

so, enough about me. lets talk about you...

whats your favorite movie?
are you an intorvert or an extrovert?
whats your favorite thing to do?

im sort of trying to find out who reads this page.

the girl opened the back door to the kitchen and gazed into the garden. the sky was dark grey and there were forecasts of thunderstorms in the area. there was the faint smell of rain on the air and although she was in the middle of town, hearing the distant sounds of traffic and pounding construction beyond the garden wall, to her the day was still beautiful. dark cloudy days were her favorite and her spirits seemed to be lifted above normal on days like this. he took a depp breath and turned inside to get to work. commenting to her co-worker about what a nice day it was going to be, she proceded to gather the materials needed to go about her various jobs around the kitchen for the morning.

like everyday for the past two years, she stood at the counter in the back room of the kitchen. today was wednesday, meaning it was gourmet vegetarian chili day. the chili was in the pot and the burner was on low. slowly stirring the chili, she reviewed all the ingredients of the deli's specialty sandwiches that she was in charge of making up for the day. she had the sprouts, cheese, cut vegetables, lettuce, avocado and ranch dressing. in her head, she constantly thought about the different things that she was going to have to do that day.

she lost herself in the hustle and bustle of the kitchen. the soft voices coming from up front, costumers talking, the sound of the knife against the cutting board, the smell of vegetables, water running in the sink and the sound of her bosses heels hitting the floor as she came into the back room were all so familiar to her. this had been her life for the the last two years, every day day after day and she liked it.

suddenly she realized that she was slipping back into her comfort zone. her body and her mind were getting used to the idea of working there another two years. another three years, or even four years. she didnt care, she liked working there. she didnt care if she worked there for the rest of her life.

but what about her new plan? what about her idea that maybe God didnt want her to work there for the rest of her life? what about that feeling of peace that she had felt so un-mistakebly only a week ago? the peace over her decision to quit working there, to do something different with her life? what about that?
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God wants to take me out of my comfort zone so i can learn how to depend more on him. i dont want to get used to working at watsons anymore. i have to do something different with my life.

i went to c.o.s. today and made an apointment with a counselar. tomorrow afternoon at 4 i'm meeting with him to discuss my school career starting next sememster. i discovered that ive already taken and passed all of my core classes to get my AA in art. ive even already taken three general ed classes (none of that was planned). unfortunaly, i failed two of them due to the fact that i didnt do any homework.

anyway, im excited. Lord willing, im quitting my job and becoming a full time student again. im currently saving my money becuase if theres one thing i dont understand, its how students can afford to go to school. i dont get it.

pray for me. im not a good student.

peace.

her head pounded as she fell out of bed. slowly she shuffled into the kitchen to make her morning coffee. even the refrigerator light seemed to much for her this morning. it didnt matter much though, she had headaches almost every day of the last six years or so. the girl had learned to live with them. never the less, the incredible throbbing in her head continued as she sipped her coffee and got ready to face the day...

another example of not really understanding whats going on inside of Gods head...

please say a little prayer of comfort and peace for a beautiful young woman named rachel. rachel has spent the last almost year now caring for her baby daughter who was born with serious heart conditions. after numerous surgeries, countless trips to the doctor and what im sure were long sleepless nights, her baby girl passed away.

pray for her husband and a young son as well.

peace.

oh my...



if you havnt seen this movie, im telling on you.



how is it possible for johnny depp to still be beautiful even when his eyes have been gouged out against his will by evil mexican drug lords? weird...

tomorrow i have to go back to work. these past five days have been a real epiphany to me... ive had lots of time to re-evaluate my life and consider new options and try to figure out what else God might have in store for me. lots of things have happened, including sleeping in, multiple daily blogs, excersize, driving around in my car, discusions with my parents, a three hour angry rant with my friend abby, movies and lots of prayer and waiting on God. ive made a decision and i think its a reasonable one.

last night my older brother asked me why dont i apply for staff at calvin crest. i thought about it for a second and replyed with my usual answer, a shrug and the words "i dont think so...". he asked why not and without thinking i answered "i dont know... i kind of really dont like calvin crest that much..." dad said, "you used to." and i said, "yeah, but that was in the past..."

i got up and walked into the other room thinking about calvin crest. i found myself going to the calvin crest web site and looking for staff aplications. i knew that the due date was past and the 2004 staff was more than likely already hired, but i looked anyway.

calvin crest used to be the highlight of my year. i would make friends and build relationships that would last for the next few years, leading to many other adventures. hanging out, talking, complaining, learning, polotics and even a little bit of romance.

and there was that time when i seriously considered being on staff at calvin crest. i wanted to be the crafty chick. i would be the fun loving cynic of calvin crest. the one slowly walking around by herself, trying to find seclusion but always failing becuase of the close knit community that calvin crest is. i would not fit in. i would go crazy. but thats ok. God made some people to work there and he made some people to not work there.

never the less, i downloaded the application and browsed over it. after all, maybe God wanted me to work there. maybe God is wanting to stretch me and change me. maybe he wants to mold me and maybe he wants to get me out of my comfort zone so i can learn to depend on him more. right? probably not though, i mean why would he do a thing like that?

i have been going to calvin crest for many years and i have seen lots of different staff members come and go. there have only been a handfull of staff members who, to me, appeared real and honest. like they werent faking it just becuase they were getting paid. they werent faking it becuase it was a nice little christian camp. in my head, i can think of and name the few who have left a lasting impression of realness in me. the rest are just shiny happy looking blurs of bright colors swimming around in the part of my brain where i store the calvin crest memories.

but, come to think of it, if katie can do it then i could probably do it too. maybe common fire is an option...

well, whatever becomes of me, i only want it to be what God wants for me. my true desire to simply do what he wants me to do, weither that may be calvin crest, watsons, c.o.s or something that hasnt even crossed my mind yet (im open to sugestions... or any encouragment, contstructive critisisim or even just a friendly hello for that matter...)

this is becoming all too familiar...

once again ive been convicted of my negativity.

i was too quick to pre-judge the kinds of people who might be at the calvary chapel singles ministry and i apologize for that. im sorry you had to read that.

i have no right to judge them. i have no idea who they are or whats going on inside of them. it could be that they ARE there just to find a potential marriage partner, or maybe they are just kind, loving people eager to learn more about and serve Jesus. maybe they are just lonely people who need encouragment or need a friend. i dont know them, i dont know their hearts, only Jesus does.

so, this coming friday im off to the calvary chapel singles ministry. me and optimisim (and whoever else wants to join me vanessajuliajuanita)... please pray for optimisim, i dont have it yet.

i would like you all to meet my valentine...



now, i realize that he is a far cry from the kind of guys that i usually might tend to lean towards, but he was just so darn handsome that i simple couldnt resist.

speaking along the lines of valentines and what-not, last night my mom once again expressed to me her concerns on my becoming "friends" with "other people" my age. i sort of laugh and tell her that i too would like to meet "other people" of my age, but where can i find "them"? she sugested that i go to the chalvary chapel singles ministry. she even suggested the grace community singles ministry, to wich i replyed "i don't think so...".

when i think of those singles ministries, i can see a bunch of young, preppy (oakly sunglasses, flip flop sandals, polo shirts, pre-faded levi jeans and short gelled hair) single people sitting around pretending that they are there to learn about God and the bible, but really they are just checking eachother out to find a potential marriage partner.

i dont like attracting attention to myself that much. i dont want to walk into a room and have people checking me out like that. i dont feel comfortable with that thought.

maybe im making all of this up in my head though, as an excuse to not go to that calvary chapel singles ministry.

but i dont think im making it up in my head....

i could see the reservations my mom had in her face and even a little bit of disapointment. so, i agreed to go and check it out. if it would make mom happy, i should maybe give it a chance. maybe God has something in store for me there? way to be potimistic, april. way to go.

im not going alone though. someone has to go with me.

however, i am already thouroughly convinced that there will be no one of my interest to meet at the calvary chapel singles ministry. way to be pessimistic, april. way to go.

im going to go work in my garden and dwell on things to come...

lacey and i have been playing super mario brothers 3 for the last couple of hours on this, my last official day off of work to think about weither or not i still want my job.

im my head, ive sort of been going crazy since last weekend in the mountain view lounge where the question of where to find the last warp whistle arose. no one knew, but i did. everyone was going crazy around the room trying to find people to initial the various questions on the survey, one of them being the question about the warp whistle. at the end of the game, the guy with the wig asked if anyone knew where they were. not being one to draw attention to myself, i kept silent. the night rolled on, turning into the next day wich led into the next evening...

saturday evening. we find ourselves in the mountain view lounge again on the last night of the 2004 jr. high sno-go (its o.k... you can clap...). im sitting with joel and the room is bustling with jr. high activity. glancing up at him every now and then, i was asking joel why that guy was wearing that crazy wig and glasses. joel said he didnt really know, maybe he was trying to be silly. suddenly, out of the microphone came his voice...

"does anyone know where to find the last warp whistle on super mario brothers 3?"i slumped down a bit in my chair. joel looked at me and i said, "i know where to find them..." and i told him. joel laughed, making me feel like the total nerd of the century. the only person in the room who knew where to find all three stupid warp whistles on super mario brothers 3. i slumped a bit more. i heard the voice asking the question through the microphone again and i think i heard joel over there saying, "raise your hand april, tell him where they are!". i guess thats when joel called him over to us becuase the next thing i know, there is this guy in a crazy black wig standing there asking me where the warp whistles are.

my heart started pounding and i wasnt sure if he was really there, standing there, wanting to know the answer to the question. did i really know where they were? how could i be sure? what if i was wrong? would i let him down? would i be shattering all his little mario brother dreams? all i could think besides all that was, thanks alot joel.

i had no choice. i knew the answer, i couldnt just not tell him. i mean, the poor guy acted like it was christmas morning and he was about to open presents, all excited to find out where the warp whistles lie...

so, i comenced to tell him where to find all three of them. he already knew where two of them where so i went on to explain how you had to get into a boat and sail over to the little island where you would find a special secret mushroom house and thats where he would find the last warp whistle.

i think by the directions i gave him (although i found out this morning they were slightly wrong) he should have been able to find that third warp whistle. and as i sit in the living room this morning, wearing my pajamas, drinking my coffee and playing super mario brothers 3 with lacey, as all of my peers are probably out doing something constructive with their lives right now, i really do feel like queen nerd of the universe.

well, my dad has thouroughly convinced me that keeping my job would be the responsible thing to do.

i REALLY don't get it.

new layout. still working out some stuff.

too much food today. blah...

quite some time ago, probably even a few years ago, i remember walking out in the orchards near my home. it was a beautiful afternoon (much like today) and i was having one of my usual conversations with God. i remember asking God to please humble me for reason. he just weighed it upon my heart to ask for humbleness, so i did. i remember attending a semenar of some sort not long before that, where the speaker said something about how when you ask for humbleness, God will usually answer your prayer and humble you. he ended with a little joke, that i have heard many times since, " so be careful what you ask God for becuase it might just come true". and sure enough, just as the speaker warned us, it came true. i really dont remember just how it happened, but i remember being humbled and i remember thanking God for humbling me.

well, on friday evening last weekend while i sat on the cabin floor and prayed over my jr. high girls, i made myself vulnerable to God. i told him that i was leaving myself body, mind, heart and soul, open to him to do as He would with me. i told him to use me and i told him i would do as he said. i left myself completly vulnerable to God.

on tuesday afternoon, my world fell apart. it felt as thought someone hit me in the gut with a 2x4.

last night, as i was trying to fall asleep i remember how i left my heart open to God and i found myself praying the same prayer, leaving myself vulnerable to God. i felt the peace of God cover me, a peace that passes all understanding. i trust Jesus. he has some wild plan for my life and he is going to unfold it in His due time. all i have to do is rest. rest in Him, trusting his will, trusting his power and might.

this morning i reviewed my finances for the next few months and im set up as far as bill paying goes. there is not much money left over for myself, but ive never had a lot of money so i'll make due.
im not going back to work at watsons.

thanks to those of you who have been praying for me. keep them coming.

i have a few ideas, but for the most part i have no clue as to what im going to do. all i know is that God is good and he will provide. he wants to provide, he wants us to leave ourselves open for him to work through us.

today is one of the most beautiful days i have ever seen. the mountains are clear. i found myself laughing for no reason in as i drove into exeter. i parked my car on e street and walked around for a while. i cashed my check and returned a book to the library. i sat in the park by myself on a swing for a little bit and then i had lunch at the wild flower cafe. it was just nice.

thank you Jesus...

good morning and welcome to the rest of your life...

eveing of day one of my three days off...

driving around visalia in a daze probably isnt a good thing... its hard to see when your head is filled with dark thoughts of the future... the key to my car broke in half today as i was going to unlock it. i siged as i realized that my spare key was at home and my cell phone was in my car. my sister had the other cell phone and she was in school, i did not know my brothers number, my mom doesnt have a cell phone and no one was at home for me to call. thank you Jesus, that i remember my dads work number.

hysterical, my eyes filled with tears as i walked to the nearest pay phone. 50 cents to call my sisters phone and she didnt answer. 75 cents to call dad at work. he said he would have to go home to get the key and then come out to visalia to help me. *please insert another 75 cents to continue this call* i was all out of change... it didnt matter, dad was coming to help.

i got off the phone and breathed in heavy. i scanned the area and saw the Key Evidence Lock Smith stand over there. i had an idea... i went back to my car, picked up the broken pieces of the key and practicly ran over to the booth. they guys said they could make a copy, but since the original was broken they couldnt garuntee it would work. they were nice enough to let me call dad, but he had already left for home.

$7.50 later i had my new key. praying to God to let it work, i raced back to my car and shoved it in the lock on the door. when the key turned and the door unlocked i swear i heard angels sing.

i called home about a trillion times to catch dad before he drove all the way into visalia. finally i got ahold of him right as he walked into the house to grab the extra key.

so, i guess God took care of me today. even so, the drama is almost unbearable. things just seem to be falling apart so quickly and there is almost no time to think practicly, let alone positivly.

the farm show was fun. i met up with mom and my brother and sister-in-law. we walked around and looked at the farm equipment and observed the aggies milling about. i love living here in the central valley.

i went into watsons today to pick up my check and tim said he had given it to my sister, wich was cool. i'll cash it tomorrow and take care of my febuary bills, then piddle away the rest.

im considering all of my options. i dont have to go back to work there. im insulted, hurt and i guess delirious as to what the heck is going on with my bosses. maybe this is just an outlet... maybe God wants me out for whatever reason. maybe he has something better for me. maybe he is using me to teach my bosses some sort of lesson. if i quit heather is going to quit, abby is going to go crazy and then it will just be my boss training the new guy. im too much of an asset to that business. what were they thinking?

i like not working. and the idea of finding another job closer to home sounds really nice to me. im going to go cruise around exeter tomorrow and see what i can see as far as a job goes... i really could do anything right now.

the absolute hilarity of this all is killing me. practicing apathy... something i didnt used to have to do. if any of this had of happened to me three months ago, i would not have given a damn. i really should be drawing some illustrations to all of this...

if you are wondering what im going to use the rest of the night for, i had a trip to blockbuster where i rented simpatico, queen of the damned, desperado and once upon a time in mexico. im going to be here at home drinking water and watching movies.

if anyone wants to talk to me, my msn messenger name is imaprincess_@hotmail.com.

day one of my three days off...

it took me forever to fall asleep last night becuase of the ridiculouse thoughts swimming around in my head. one emotional trauma can trigger another one that had just been weling up inside of your heart becuause of a lack of outlet wich leads to some seriouse crying out to God wondering whats going on. i still dont know.

i woke up this morning at 9:30. my body feels like it should be pulling freshly baked muffins out of the oven, mixing together some corn bread to go with the chili and rolling our specialty sandwiches for the day.

the sun is shining bright today wich means ive got a slight headache.

so, i could mope around the house all day, sit in front of the television, make countless trips to the refrigerator to see if maybe something miracuously (sp?) appeared in there for me to eat. i could veg out in front of my computer all day long, listen to music and piddle around with a new web page design...

but i think the better thing to do would be to get out of the house. im going to the world ag expo in tulare with my mom and brother and sisters. it should be fun. for some reason over the past few months, along with my attitude adjustment, i have realized my love for farms and especially family farms. i love the idea of growing things. i love plants, trees, farms, crops and anything to do with farming. i dont think i could ever run a farm, but i have a little love in my heart for those who do own farms.

i hope everyone is having a beautiful blessed day. i would encourage you to take a walk. or sit outside and read somewhere. or at least sit by the window and look out and enjoy.

peace...

after you run out of tears, about the only thing you can really do is sit in your room and drink a beer and feel like shit.

i guess, if you want to, you can wonder what the hell happened. you can wonder why the hell they hadnt been talking to you about it all along and you can definatly wonder why the hell they gave you that .50 raise a couple of weeks ago when according to them your performance has been faltering and things have been going to pot for the last three months. if you want, you can wonder why they wondered if you were still happy in your current job situation, you can wonder how things got the way that they are and you can wonder why, in the blessed name of Jesus, you never saw this coming. and then you can view the three days that they gave you off of work as time to catch up on some much needed sleep.

dammit.

so, i have the next three days off to think about how much i suck and how i am going to be able to convince my boss that i still love my job and how i am going to do better at it from next monday on.

funny... this past weekend i was frustrated, yesterday i was exhausted, this morning i thought myself emotionally distraught (sp?) and now im having a complete emotional breakdown.

i just really didnt need this. i didnt.

< angry rant > all i can think about now is road trip. im going to have my sister pick up my check for me and then im thinking of taking off. unfortunatly, i have no destination. i have nowhere to go, i have no friends anywhere, no one who really cares, but im thinking down south somewhere. i want to spend my whole paycheck on a trip, friday through sunday evening. < /angry rant >

oh wait... i guess i didnt run out of tears.

im in kind of a daze... a sort of denial... did i really just have an hour and a half long meeting with my bosses, hearing about the many times ive failed at my manager position within the last few months? did that all just happen? did my eyes really tear up when he told me to take the next few days off? i cant remember the last time i failed this miserably. its just too un-real...

i really dont get it.

today i saw a vulture as i was driving home after work. it was just sitting there on a stump in a cow pasture near my home. a vulture...

i have been doing a lot of examining of my heart, and im definatly tired of the person i was and im glad for the changes being made in me. i only hope that the changes are showing through and its not just some big thing im making up in my head... telling myself ive changed and that im different... telling myself that im not the same as i was a couple of months ago... i hope that its not just in my head.

today was exhausting. thank you Jesus, that its almost over. i supose that my lack of sleep last night might of had something to do with today being the way it was. my head was spinning with thoughts of the past weekend, pulled heart strings, crushes in my head, drawings to express myself, writings to share how i feel, no one to share them with... tylonol pm finally put me to sleep.

i love living in the country. i love it. i love living in the midst of orange groves and lemon groves. i love that there are cow pastures close by. i love that everyday i get to drive away from visalia, where i work, and go home to the country.

happy birthday charlie. i love you. :)

i dont even really know what to say about this weekend... i dont know where to begin...

i am so frustrated at the lack of male influence over my youth group. i am so frustrated. when i go to places like calvin crest and see other youth groups with awesome young male leaders, my heart breaks for my kids. im jealous of that and i dont understand why my kids cant have that. why wont God put someone here in woodlake who loves and cares for these kids like i do? there is only so much i can do as a girl, and i do it the best i can with all of my heart. these kids are my life right now. fall in love with these kids, share this little ministry, be a blessing and be blessed more than you could ever imagine.

im jealouse and i often myself feeling incredibly alone in this ministry. there are some churches with youth groups who have 2 or 3 young guy leaders. i just dont understand.

its hard to be a vegetarian at camp. especially when you dont eat meat AND you cant have milk products. i managed though. im fine.

im not really fine, actually.

i failed to drop my class by the drop date so now i owe the school money for the class im not even taking.

at least i didnt sleep through the counselar meeting again. i was there sort of...

God bless people with a heart for jr. highers, becuase this weekend i found out that i dont have one. i do love them, or i try rather, but i dont think i could work with them constantly like i do with the high schoolers. and i think that my lack of enthusiasm makes them not like me too much.

in the midst of the drama of this weekend ( did i mention the TWO 16 oz cups of coffee that spilled in my car? ), there were a couple of things that warmed my heart starting with good times on the drive up, a little wave and smile from across the room, witnessing two complete oposite girls being the best of friends, hearing a good story about true God based love from a girl whom i dont know very well, talking with an old friend, having a awesome time with somebody who i thought i could possibly never have an awesome time with again, a hug, a detour around bass lake on the drive home and a valentine from sammy. thank you all.





also, once again i felt the need to simplify my life. so i simplified my web page. one day it will be artistic again... but, question... is the text too hard to read?

i felt my heart fall down into the deep dark pits of my stomach as she said, "we stopped serving lunch."

did i hear her correctly? maybe it wasnt true... but why would she lie to me? i peered over her shoulder into the back room and saw how empty it was. i saw the spot where he usually was (untill he came up front to say hello to me) standing vacant.

i fought back the urge to ask what he was doing now. where he was, would i ever see him around again... but now i wish i had asked those questions. i long to know...

i just wanted to be his friend. thats all.

there are very few things in my life that i would do differently, if given to chance to go back. but, if given the chance to go back to last friday afternoon, the afternoon that i finally talked with him for even a few brief moments... if given the chance to go back to that time knowing that would be his last day there, i would have asked him to sit down with me for a cup of coffee. i would have asked him if he would like to sit with me outside and hang out for a while. just to talk. just to be friends. if i had only known...

i doubt our paths will ever cross again.

but there is always hope...

do i really belive that though?
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so, looks like im heading back up to calvin crest for yet another fun filled weekend with presbyterians. yay.