"i still havnt found what im looking for" by U2

I have climbed the highest mountain
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you

I have run, I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her fingertips
It burned like fire
This burning desire
I have spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I believe in the kingdom come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
Well, yes, I'm still running

You broke the bonds and you
Loosed the chains
Carried the cross
And all my shame
All my shame
You know I believe it

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

God bless taco bell. yummm.

yesterday was a pretty crappy day. it was beautiful *quality* and the events of the day were cool too (isaiah and i played a game of chess in wich he beat me pretty good. isaiah is really, really, really good at chess, thats another reason i think he is cool), its just that the emotional, mental me was having a crappy day.

but today is going to be much better. its already much better. its an awesome day. just awesome. even though i have coffee grinds in my coffee and i have a runny nose and my current situation is not all that fun, its still an awesome day.

"friday, im in love". thats your daily dose of the cure. haha.

yesterday i was just thinking about how i havnt even had enough money to go to taco bell lately and i got really hungry thinking about yummy taco bell. imagine the joy i just now felt when heather told me mom gave us money to go to taco bell today! wooo hooo! its another good day, obviously. its a black day, meaning im wearing *almost* all black again today. suprise, suprise, huh. i found some black shoelaces last night and im thinking of changing the yellow ones i currently have on my doc martens (they belong to joel anyway), to the black ones. just for fun. hrm.....

time to go to school. its beautiful outside today. ahhhh winter. its the *best*.

by the way, heather has recently found out that she is just a poor sick child. she is denying every word of it. she is quite disillusioned. feel free to send heather a get well card if you have the time. it might lift her morale.

isaiah wrote *another* tear-jerking poem. beautiful, inspiring, sounds very familiar.... check it out if you want to know how i feel...

"i beg of you..."

all is well with the world when your sitting here, safe in your house, wearing comfy pajama's and eating popcorn. yum. yet another wonderful day.

ahhhhhhh beautiful day.

isaiah rocks.

Blog Deleted
This comment has been permenantly deleted as the author realized it was a useless, inaccurate, stupid comment...that's all. -Zay out

"the loudest sound" by robert smith

Side by side in silcence they pass way the day
So comfortable, so habitual...and so nothing left to say
Nothing left to say
Nothing left to say
Side by side in silence his thoughts echo round
He looks upa t the sky...she looks down at the ground
Stares down at the ground
Stares down at the ground
Side by side in silence they wish for different worlds
She dreams him as a boy...he loves her as a girl
Loves her as a girl...

And side by side in silence without a single word...
It's the loudest sound
It's the loudest sound...
It's loudest sound I ever heard

stupid freakin daring stupid plan. i give up. i give up on a lot of things today. today is my give up day. it really is. i give up.

well shoot. thats it.

it really was a good day though. all grey and rainy outside. it was awesome.

wooo hooo! another awesome day. funny how even though i feel like crap today, emotionally and physicly, i still feel really good. its just beautiful outside. all grey and rainy. its beautiful.

im working on my art today. what a good day.

david duchovney is really hot.

thats what i get for watching five and a half hours of x-files today. God bless satellite tv.

all i really want for christmas this year is a little bit of money to make my car run again. all i need is 56 dollars to buy a new axel. thats all i need! 56 dollars..... but that might as well be 134,990,865 dollars. sheesh.

at least i have satellite tv.

yay. color.

hrm.....

today is an awesome day. nothing can ruin today. nothing at all. seriously.

i wish i could have stayed in bed all day.

today is a pajama day. rotations for the day::

clothes::
light blue pajama pants (i wore the dark blue ones yesterday)
dare shirt
socks with pink stripes across the toes to tell them apart from everyone elses
my hair is a mess. i need to shampoo it in a bad way, but im too lazy.

music::
anything by the cure
beetoven
korn

books::
im almost finished with dreamcatcher, by stephen king. i'll probably finish it today

todays projects::
pencil drawing of a glass of water for art josh's class
add archves to heathers web page
play a game of chess

last night we watched final destination. it was sort of dumb and morbid. it was alright though. now i can say that i have seen it at least. the best part was the plane crash in the beggining. i really think they should hire me at blockbuster. i would be a very valuable employee. i really would be. it would be really cool to work there. i could work full time, i know a lot about mvoies and the better half of my life has been spent watching them. i would be an awesome blockbuster employee. someone should tell them that for me. thanks.

i need a hug.

*horray*

i finally finished updating the layout of heathers page, one girl army. it looks pretty good, if i do say so myself. i just need to add a few finishing touches, like a divider bar for the blogs and blog back and maybe a few more links. hrm... pretty.

everybody e-mail heather and remind her to get her dumb butt in gear and scan her photo's. i dont know about the rest of you, but im sick of the same 'ole boring content on this page. blahblah blahh, blah blahh, blah blah, heather.

anyways, yeah.

you probably wouldnt really care about it though if you knew what it was. and yes, it *IS* real.

although, your reactions are pretty cool......

blah.

Makin it up
That's right, you heard me April...I think you're makin up this whole "daring plan" thing. It probably doesn't even exist. I think you're doing it just to push buttons and see if you can get a re-action. Otherwise, you would let me in on this "daring plan". Oh, and by the way, you spelled ceiling right... -Zay out

robs new web page layout looks really awesome. i especially like the ceiling (sp?) fan. it rocks.

daring plan update::nothing has happened as a result of my daring plan so far, but i expect things to happen some time soon. maybe.

hm. maybe not.

horray for my dad, who fixed the computer *and* bought 100 blank cd's!

i recorded a whole lotta cure songs on a cd today. also a couple of incubus songs.

good times........ good times.

today is definatly a pajama day.

I guess I probably should be a little scared, but I'm not
-Zay out

wooooooooo hoooooooo! good day! its beautiful outside. i didnt go to school today and i dont really care. for the first time in about two weeks, i was head ache free when i woke up. i got one later, but its gone now. im still pretty congested, but what can you do? im *always* congested. im used to it.

wow. what a good day. nothing could ruin this day. absolutly nothing. i have the cure on my play list and lots of time to work on some graphic design and im working on a new, cooler layout for heathers web site. its going to rocketh.

yay.

what a good day. nothing bad can happen today (unusally optimistic today, huh?).

so far i have no results from my daring plan. i am, however, expecting results soon.......

i think im making this into a much bigger deal than it really is. maybe not. its just fun.

today, at school, i wished i had that knife.

WHAT DARING PLAN?!
-Zay out

heather wrote me a *special* blog last night. check it.......

"A big fat sympathetic "I understand" goes out to april today in memory of a very good piece. Hope you catch that bastard april. :o) And when you do... tell him that he's gonna get his "come uppin's". And he's going to get them from me. heh heh heh. See more people need to carry guns to school, that way you could have justly defended your property. Oh, wait... that came out wrong. Mabey a knife... oh but money can't buy knives. that really sucks because a knife would look really cool sticking out of your doc marten. Or like a machete straped to your backpack. Yeah, that would definatly be more classy than a gun straped to your backpack. Yeah, a knife. But since money just can't buy em.. you would have to steal it. But that would make you just like the person you were getting the knife for. hmm. I know, i'll steal the knife for you and give it to you. Then if someone asks, you could say "hey its not mine. I'm just borrowing it from Heather". And then if they have a problem with it, i could give em some "Come uppin's". Or not. Because really, i'm just good at acting tough, and i would probably just scare them. But thats okay, because its a good objective."

hahaha. check out her web site, one girl army.

i woke up with a killer head ache this morning *again* and i had bad dreams last night about my art piece sitting in some dark, wet warehouse somewhere outside of new york. it was all soggy and drenched in mud and i think there was blood on it too. gross, huh? needless to say, it freaked me out.

stupid daring plan...... now i have knots in my stomach.

well darn.

"SSDD"

i wonder where my art piece is right now...... i wonder if the person who stole it knows exactly what he has.......
thanks for caring isaiah.

i did something really daring today...... i wonder how its going to turn out........

now i *really* need a hug.

one of my art pieces was stollen today. i feel sick to my stomach every time i think about it. its like having a piece of my heart ripped out. seriously. i worked all semester on that piece and i was almost finished with it and someone came up and swipped it right out of the class when i left for five minutes. bastard. i just want it back. i really, really want it back. i feel really invaded.

i never knew quite how much of me i put into my art untill today when that piece was gone.

ick. my stomach feels really gross. im thinking of staying home from school tomorrow and taking it easy. it was a hell of a day as you might could tell from my previous post. i had plans, but my plans were ruined unintentionaly (however the heck you spell that), by *someone*.

anyway, leagally blond was a pretty funny movie. i still wish i had recorder hannibal though. that was one good movie. it made me laugh pretty hard. heh.

damn, damn, damn, damn, damn.

dont ask unless you *really* want to know.

hannibal was a much better movie than i thought it was going to be. its was 100 times better than silence of the lambs. it made me laugh pretty hard. my mom thought it was gross. i wish i would have recorded it......

ok...... i finished adding the new art. check it out on the art page, or click below......

horray! im *finally* finished with the new look! im scanning art as i type, hopefully i'll get it up tonight or tomorrow or sometime soon.......

also, i dont know if i posted this, but i have this nifty little thing called "blog back" on this page. this little program makes it so that you, the reader, can comment on my blogs and post them on the little blog back page. simply click "comment" and type whatever you want i guess. nice, huh.

yay.

~april

NOTICE:: i think im just about finished with the updated look. next i'll scan my new art and put it up along with a few other new things maybe. hrm......

~april

it hurts.........

~april

NOTICE: im *still* in the middle of the new layout. icky.

~april

NOTICE::im right in the middle of a new page layout. please bear with the mess. ick.

~april

"I Miss You" by incubus

To see you when I wake up
is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
is a three-fold, utopian dream.
You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said,
I miss you.(?)
I see your picture, I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days, but already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again
whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care
and I miss you.

i need a hug *right NOW*.

"cut here" by the cure (this is my new favorite song. i cant get enough of it.)

SO WE MEET AGAIN!" AND I OFFER MY HAND
ALL DRY AND ENGLISH SLOW
AND YOU LOOK AT ME AND I UNDERSTAND
YEAH IT'S A LOOK I USED TO KNOW
"THREE LONG YEARS... AND YOUR FAVOURITE MAN...
IS THAT ANY WAY TO SAY HELLO?"
AND YOU HOLD ME...
LIKE YOU'LL NEVER LET ME GO

"OH C'MON AND HAVE A DRINK WITH ME
SIT DOWN AND TALK AWHILE... "
"OH I WISH I COULD... AND I WILL!
BUT NOW I JUST DON'T HAVE THE TIME... "
AND OVER MY SHOULDER AS I WALK AWAY
I SEE YOU GIVE THAT LOOK GOODBYE...
I STILL SEE THAT LOOK IN YOUR EYE...

SO DIZZY MR BUSY - TOO MUCH RUSH TO TALK TO BILLY
ALL THE SILLY FRILLY THINGS HAVE TO FIRST GET DONE
IN A MINUTE - SOMETIME SOON - MAYBE NEXT TIME - MAKE IT JUNE
UNTIL LATER... DOESN'T ALWAYS COME

IT'S SO HARD TO THINK "IT ENDS SOMETIME
AND THIS COULD BE THE LAST
I SHOULD REALLY HEAR YOU SING AGAIN
AND I SHOULD REALLY WATCH YOU DANCE"
BECAUSE IT'S HARD TO THINK
"I'LL NEVER GET ANOTHER CHANCE TO HOLD YOU...
TO HOLD YOU... "

BUT CHILLY MR DILLY - TOO MUCH RUSH TO TALK TO BILLY
ALL THE TIZZY FIZZY IDIOT THINGS MUST GET DONE
IN A SECOND - JUST HANG ON - ALL IN GOOD TIME - WON'T BE LONG
UNTIL LATER...

I SHOULD'VE STOPPED TO THINK - I SHOULD'VE MADE THE TIME
I COULD'VE HAD THAT DRINK - I COULD'VE TALKED AWHILE
I WOULD'VE DONE IT RIGHT - I WOULD'VE MOVED US ON
BUT I DIDN''T - NOW IT''S ALL TOO LATE IT'S OVER... OVER...
AND YOU'RE GONE...

I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU
I MISS YOU I MISS YOU SO MUCH

BUT HOW MANY TIMES CAN I WALK AWAY
AND WISH "IF ONLY... "
HOW MANY TIMES CAN I TALK THIS WAY
AND WISH "IF ONLY... "
KEEP ON MAKING THE SAME MISTAKE
KEEP ON ACHING THE SAME HEARTBREAK

I WISH "IF ONLY... "
BUT "IF ONLY... "
IS A WISH TOO LATE...


*sigh* blahhhhhh.

dang, i hate hormones. they are a bad thing. bad, bad, bad!

i just all of a sudden became very unhappy with the art im making. i want it to be different...... in a way..... i dont know. i try really hard. im 100% commited to it right now, but its just not working like i want it to.

im going to be on-line for a while working on some homework.

i just got this really horrible feeling deep down in my stomach....

i need a hug.

rock on. that made my day. it was a pretty crappy day, but im feeling really, really good right now. i like my earings a whole heck of a lot better now. heh.

update:: next week, probably on tuesday, i am going to scan my works in progress and post them on my site. i have like, 5 of them that are almost finished, but i love them so much i want everyone to see them. so im going to put them up here next week. look out for them!

woo hoo! right now life is good. although that could change anytime..... grrrr....

by the way, i thought of another reason why isaiah is cool. he does really cool card tricks!!!

Earrings, Earrings, Earrings...
April, I was kidding the other day...honestly, earrings are awesome...(on girls). They never should've crossed over to guys, (in my opinion), but hey, what can you do? I think it's especially cool that you have a lot of them. Just don't pierce any other part of your body. That would just be weird. Oh, check out my new intro movie at my site by clicking here. -Zay out