some dreams you can have at night, and then live off of the whole day through...

i got this e-mail today... it was only 127kb and there were 2 copies of it in my in-box. i was expecting an e-mail from someone else... but i supose this will do...

From : tookgallagher tookgallagher@direcway.com
Sent : Tuesday, April 27, 2004 1:37 AM
To : unabletospeak@hotmail.com
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it seems to be some sort of strange secret code... there are probably few in this world who can decipher it, seeing as though its such a involved and complex code... i was able to make out a few words... from the looks of it, some sort of deadly secret agency of assasins is trying to sabotoge out trip to texas for some reason... someone slipped up and their secret coded message was sent to me, one of the victims, rather than one of their allies and partners in this dark operation... well, we are on to you, assasins... watch out guys...

work today was the BEST becuase there were no stupid boys to act like the dumb asses that they truly are. it was wonderful.

juanita gave me the bombest birthday present, a beautiful hard copy of my blogger archives. so, i put myself to sleep last night reading the hazy, depressing details of my life over the past three years, as typed out on my blogger.

so, i feel like my pnumonia is still raging on full force in my lungs. *coughcough*

i think i need to watch romy and michelles high school reunion again...

i think im turning japanese.

reading the hard copy of my archives makes me realize how much ive grown up and gotten to know myself over the past few years. it made me sort of sad too... but, its the past that i made for myself, and its exactly that. the past.

happy birthday.

so ...

i guess i have tomorrow (tuesday) off. so, if anyone would like to come over tomorrow afternoon and watch Tombstone in preperation for our trip to Tombstone, you are welcome too. lets do it to it. yay. :|

so...

hello?

not too much longer now...

the art page isnt fully working, but the archives should be working.

i got this e-mail ... " Their memories will live on. Pet urns "

my dreams have been awful over the oast couple of nights. violent, freaky.

not too much longer now ... 4 more weeks.

so karma, huh?

so, walking pneumonia, huh? ... welp, see ya later!

mmm... today looks nice...

however, yesterday... shoot. yesterday. i felt like total and complete crap all day, untill after i got off of work and had one of those "thank god, i just got off of work" highs.

futons, parks, winding concrete trails, swings, secret hidden agendas and stories = nice.

woody is bombest for putting the seats back into my car (even though i had to pay him, the cheapy cheap cheaperton... ).

i have a doctors apointment today in woodlake. i really wish, in my head, that he could just look at me and be able to tell whats wrong... without touching me.

i miss charlie.

and the newest addition to my collection...


so... friday... coming up... we should play chess again sometime. or monopoly.

ugh. frustration. frustration, allergies or s.a.d.? probably a combination of all three, plus a few select other things that plauge my mind.

ive come to love tuesdays. i look forward to getting off of work and sitting back in the garden to eat my lunch. all peaceful. partly evil though... i love to be there when my boss is closing and she gets a unexpected lunch rush, but im off the clock. sorry, im about to go home, or im enjoying my lunch right now in the garden. entertainment at its finest.

anyway, after much consideration, ive decited it is once again time for me to curl all up into myself and withhold most information about my current going-ons inside of my head and out, to those who i love so dear. if its information you want from me, you will have to knock me down and threaten me with fire or fist to get it. why? becuase of the frustration its caused me. i just dont know what else to do.

and just becuase someone was generous and trusting enough to let someone borrow his or her van, and the lendee has accepted it, doesnt mean that the lendee is taking advantage of the good nature of the lender. does it?

ugh. i havnt felt so frustrated in months.

so, personality test results, eh?

today, i ran 1/2 a mile.

yesterday was one of the bombest days of my life. i love taking walks.

there is sugar on my desk from the peeps i was eating while sitting here.

its hard to do things when the support from your loved ones just isnt there.

let me be a kid and do crazy things. who cares how old i am? its all in your head. time doesnt really exsist... its something someone made up and we are raised to believe in it.

at least im not knocked up on the streets somewhere a thousand miles from home, trying to support myself and my three fatherless children by selling crack cocaine... or worse. i know that sounds awful, but it really could be true. trust me. support me. let me be.

im going.

thank you for finding me...

last night travis and i were driving around in my teal colored convertable with my daughter in the back. we were just having an awesome time, driving around the north side of visalia. when we passed by the salvation army thrift store, suddenly i saw a giant green snake in the road, slitthering across. i ran over it. i felt it bump in my car. then i stopped and backed up over it again. i repeated this about five different times before the last time... the last time i backed up over it, i got too close to its severed head. i did not count on the head to still be functioning, like a worm, the giant green snake had healed itselt and its head jumped up into the convertable car right for my face, to get its revenge. thats when i forced myself to wake up, not really wanting to die from a snake bite to the face in my dreams.

connections to real life? i'll start from the beginning of my story... last night travis and i were hanging out. we watched kill bill vlm 2 and at the end of the movie, uma thurman was just driving around in her convertable car, wich we see earlier in the movie, is a lovely shade of teal. she also has a daughter in the movie. the salvation army on the north side? i went there yesterday afternoon before i saw travis. and the snake? the snake has three different origins... the first one being the snake i saw and ran over in the road last weekend on my way home from my drive in the mountains. the thought crossed my mind to back up over it again, after i ran over it and saw it going crazy in my rear view mirror, but i didnt actually do it. but i did feel my car bump as i ran across it. the second being the preview for a new movie about an anoconda snake we saw last night, and the third was in the movie kill bill 2 itself, when a green colored black mamba attacked some guys face.

so, dreams. weird. im sure yours are the same, i just write my down so im not the only one being entertained by the insanity.

good morning. now, im going to go watch the television.

i was dead. somehow, somewhere along the way, i finally died. im really not sure how it happened... consumption or possibly something completly different... the point is, i was dead, and i was also a ghost. my occupation in life was now to haunt a small family of wealthy women. two older ladies and a small girl. they lived in a well furnished, old victorian style home with large windows and green window frames. my company and advisors (i was new at being a ghost) where two other ghost ladies, quite a bit older than me. it was hard to learn the tricks to haunting a house such as this...

all the new things i could do with my body where over whelming to me. Contrary to most ghost stories and tales, i could not fly. i could, however, separate my limbs and then they could fly. but only for a short distance. i remember one time as we were walking through one of the upstaiors halls, we came across one of the old ladies residing in the house. as a rule, we could not touch her... she was a bigger lady and we had to get around her somehow to continue our walk down the hall. my friends dismembered themseves with ease and floated around the lady, behind her and over her head their limbs flew. i watched them put themselves back together again once all their body parts had reached the other side. this was a difficuly thing for me to do. my arm wanted to float everywich way exceppy where i wanted it to go. my friends laughed and instructed me. finally, after much concentration, i managed to collect myself all up on the other side of the lady. i could also jump very long distances with ease. i found it difficult to learn these traits.

it seemed as though there were a thousand new things i had to memorize. one of them being, if it was daylight and you were busy haunting around in the upstairs of the house, if you happened to come across a bell, you better not ring it or else HE would take your ghost-hood away... this was hard, becuase ghosts love to ring bells, but i simply had to refrain myself.

now, HE was the ghost of all ghosts. the grandaddy ghost, if you will. and HE just happened to haunt the same house that i did. i had no say in the matter, of course, or i would have picked another habbitat for myself. you have to understand, HE was acient. haunting houses thousands of years before i could even imagine... possibly the firsy ghost! he was huge and he was especially mean. HE knew the rules and his passion in life was not to haunt, but to inforce the rules upon other ghosts, especially new ghosts such as myself. lucky for him i was assigned to the same house. HE terrified me. so much, that after a while i could hardly bring myself to come out at night to enjoy the pleasures of haunting my old victorian style home. i sat, alone in a dark closet and listened to him stomping up and down the hall ways, breathing heavily, just looking and waiting for me to make a mistake... the closet was dark and cold and lonely, but i would not budge. i had come too close the first time...

the memory was still clear in my ghostly mind... the time i was exploring the house. it was day light and the ladies of the house were downstairs doing something-or-the-other to busy themselves. i found the narror staircase leading up to the topest floor of the house. i gently pushed the door open and was delighted to hear it creak in a haunting like way... but what lay before me delighted me even more... the room was a sort of collection room. the ladies of the house, being well on in years, had used this room as a display case of the pretty things they bought themselves through life on their various trips and excusions. the room was an eclectic collection of old trunks, lacey things, feathers, pretty little trickets and beads and dried roses. in the middle of the room sat a antique vistorian style table with a hat box sitting on top of a doily. the hat box was adroned with some of the strung beads and a few dried roses. but it was the object in the middle of the box that caught my attention... it was a bell. a beautiful, small brass bell. to you, it would seem simple. there was nothing ornait about it at all. but to a ghost, it was a treasure. i could not say why, afterall, i was new at being a ghost. there was just something about it that drew me closer. as i advnaced upon it, i heard the warnings of my advisors in my head... "you must NEVER ring a bell in the day light! HE will come for you..." but being young a foolish, i pushed the warnings aside and pressed on. the bell seemed to have a soft light glowing over it... a soft bluish light, beconing me nearer... as i drew near to the bell, something in the back of my mind felt him coming closer... an eerie, dreadful feeling came over me. as i came closer to the precious trinket, HE came closer to me... ready to tear me apart for daring to touch the bell... HE was coming up the hall... every second i came closer to the bell, HE came closer to me... i reached for the bell, overcome by the mysterious power it held over me...

suddenly, something touched my hand. i looked down and saw another hand. the hand of a boy. i looked up and straight into the deep, dark blue eyes of jon-boy walton. he looked at me with a look i had never seen before. he looked at me and he gently said, "please. don't touch the bell. i dont want him to take you away. i like you too much... please... " and i backed away from the bell. HE pulled back also... down the long dark hallway, he receded, away from me and away from my new friend. i was never tempted to touch the bell again. something in the way that jon had looked at me... he was my friend, the friend that i must have needed so badly. and then i was sitting with jon somewhere, doing something... just being friends. being together...

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

that was the dream i had last night. as i wrote it, i realized how funny dreams are... at least this one was... i recognized a lot of things in the dream out of things that have been happening in my life within the past week or so... my dream was a sub-concious compilation of the goings-on in my head. and the part about jon-boy walton? i guess i have a little t.v. character crush on him. i really do. he is handsom and polite and nice... *sigh*... anyway...

sometimes i just dont know about things... so instead of trying to figure them out, i think i'll just run from them.

non-conformity is a fad. its the popular thing to do. something that most of you will grow out of someday, joining the rest of normal society in your mundane daily tasks. a few of you will stay back, with me. mostly alone, refusing to conform. hopefully, finding someone else with similar views and opinions, similar ways of life. hopefully, to become friends, possibly more than friends. but that will happen to few. most of you will conform.

conformity is also relative. like, im sure some of you think im so full of sh*t right about now... thinking i dont know what im talking about. but, unlike most of you, im also realistic. sorry, you will conform. thats just the way it goes kids.

i really am full of it today. too much time alone to think things over in my brain.

*sigh*

goodmorning... im wearing a lot of different colors today... green, greyish-blue, brown and black. today is... different...

to kill bill, or not to kill bill? im not sure what time i get off of work on friday, but definatly kill bill afterwards.

learning disabilites? we shall soon find out... a new job on the c.o.s. campus? we shall soon find out...

i think there must be something seriously wrong with me though... horendous allergies at the least. perhaps asthma... a severe sinus infection... consumption... who knows. i would go see a doctor, but i have no insurance. but dont be too suprised if there is a lack of postange here becuase of the fact that i may very well be lying in a hospital bed somewhere suffereing from my tuberculosis.

and now, im off to take my car to the pep boys...

easy come, easy go, will you let me go?

so, i just confirmed my schedule of classes against next semester schedule. im in love with my schedule. im heading on down to the c.o.s. on wednesday to take care of a few things, and i get to register for classes on may 6th and my last day of working at watsons is may 21st, then road trip to texas! im excited.

thank you Jesus, for vacation time. i did a lot of simple things... working slowly, enjoying time with people i love, taking a drive by myself, sitting around in the yard listening to my surroundings... it was blessed. refreshing. i hope yours was the same.

this wasnt what i was expecting...

what a long strange trip its been... and i think it will be ever stranger here on out... strange, but awesome...

we have a lot of good memories together.

would anyone like to come over and sit in my backyard with me tomorrow evening? anyway, you are welcome too.





< insert dorky photo of joel holding up his shoe in front of the shoe house here >

Roomate... a blog about some guys college roomate. i know at least one of you guys will love this page as much as i do...