jiggely puff is dead... someone killed her with their car...

posted last summer...

Monday, July 18, 2005
this is pretty much the most entertaining cat we've ever had...her name is jigglypuff and she is laceys pet. she hates to be held, petted, played with and scritchled.










she really does hate you. dont worry though, she hates me too.

and now she is dead...

i woke up sad this morning so i put on mascarea and fixed my hair and put on a nice shirt to try to make myself feel better. but then i blew snot right through my tissue and felt gross again and the familiar feeling of how outward beauty means nothing, returned to me and i wanted to go put on some ugly cothes to demonstrate the fact that beauty comes from within, not without, but i stopped myself becuase i am no better than anyone else and trying to prove that point might make me seem self-righteous. does writing this make me self-righteous? who am i?

i had a cigerette last night on the portch at about 4:00 a.m. (just to have that experience) and the world was a different place... the placement of the stars was unfamiliar and the moon was different, a moon i dont usually see seeing as though i dont usually go to the back portch at 4:00 a.m. but i liked that experience. maybe i will do it again some early morning...

i just found a quote on this computer desktop that says "a wise girl kisses but does not love, listens but does not believe and leaves before she is left." ~ marilyn monroe... i dont like that quote. i hope that there is not a girl in this house who saved this quote believing it was good and true, because it is not. it disturbes me that is was saved onto this computer, probably with the intent of remembering it or using it some day...

today is friday the 13th... but that really doesnt matter.

rainy days always seem to bring out the best in me... absoulte cynisism and pessimisim... a sense of self pity and lonliness... and i'm cold.

not really. well, not really to that level of drama anyway (ive been told im a drama queen... (if its possible to be a semi-subdued, low energy drama queen, then i would have to agree)...

actually, honestly, im alright. Gods quietly speaking to me today, instilling peace and quietness. its probably going to be a pretty cool day. i'll draw some... im doing a little lod of laundry instead of letting it pile up to ridiculous amounts before washing it, and im wearing gansgter slippers with white socks and rolled up pants. yeah, its a good day.

sometimes my level of bi-polarness frightens me.

i just really cant seem to get aholed of myself in the morning time... waking up in confused daze, wishing i was still asleep and watching the coffee bot brew up my best friend seems to be a consistant habbit i cant seem to break in my life. consitancy is important, right? i guess even that means that i am consitanly grumpy in the morning time, its alright... ive accepted it... i cant seem to stand it when people say good morning, but im getting better at accepting that some people feel the abosolute need to be cheery in the morning, no matter what time... no matter what time, weither that be 6:00 am or 8:00 am... but i still cant handle it. i loose it. i loose it in my head becuase i am learning more control over my outwardly expressions. i'll pretend like im happy to see you, put on a nice little sideways smile and then go about the business or whatever im doing or whatever im thinking about and i'll be alright. but really, you better belive that in my head i was wishing i wasnt smiling at you, not because i dont want to see you or i cant stand you, but becuase i just simply wish i was still asleep.

steven seems to be the only person on the planet who understands this and has continued grace and whatever and he is half a world away in missouri and i am left explaining myself to others.

consitncy... thats a good word. a word i can use to justify my morning grumpiness.

sometimes God throws some random dream in my head in the middle of the night that totally screws up phyce (sp?) for the rest of the next couple of days...

i have no idea whats going on.

thats ok becuase i never really do.