sometimes i wonder what the hell im doing... hen i hear songs like this and remember...

Am I loud and clear, or am I breaking up?
Am I still your charm, or am I just bad luck?
Are we getting closer, or are we just getting more lost?

I'll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words

We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand

I've been here so long, I think that it's time to move
The winter's so cold, summer's over too soon
Let's pack our bags and settle down where palm trees grow

I've got some friends, some that I hardly know
But we've had some times, I wouldn't trade for the world
We chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go

We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand....until you hold my hand

I'll show you mine if you show me yours first
Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words

We live on front porches and swing life away,
We get by just fine here on minimum wage
If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,
I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand

Swing life away...
~rise against

i think that if i were a musical artist, and i were strolling down the street, if i heard one of my songs as a ring tone on someones phone, i would probably be sort of pissed off.

every time i leave a message for someone, i feel like such a dork. i feel like i leave the dorkiest phone messages on the whole planet. if you ever get one from me, then you will know what i mean. dork.

good luck... your gonna need it...

maybe i'll get my photo on the commonfire web site this time 'round...

i felt like i needed to know myself a little better. good thing these quizzes are provided so that people like me, who are unsure, can find themselves...

Take the quiz: "Which Full House Character Are u?"

Becky
You're the normal one in the family..heh

You are a New Age Girl! You're bright, opinionated, and dedicated to changing the world. Even if it's one hybrid car at a time, you do you part to make things better. In fact, you may be so busy with your causes that you have little time for love. Take an extra yoga class or two, and you just might meet New Age Guy! What Kind of Girl Are You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

You Have Your PhD in Men You understand men almost better than anyone. You accept that guys are very different, and you read signals well. Work what you know about men, and your relationships will be blissful. How Well Do You Understand Men?Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Your Element is Water Your power colors: blue and aqua Your energy: deep Your season: winter Like the ocean, you evoke deep feelings and passion. You have an emotional, sensitive, and spiritual soul. A bit mysterious, you tend to be quiet when you are working out a problem. You need your alone time, so that you can think and dream. What Element Are You? Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

You are 13% Flirt

How Much of a Flirt Are You? Take This Quiz :-)
Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.
Take the quiz: "What Star Wars Character Are You?"

Obi-Wan Kenobi
You are a level headed person who uses the Force to compliment your natural talent

sometimes i feel pretty lame.

Bad news comes don't you worry even when it lands
Good news will work its way to all them plans
We both got fired on the exactly the same day
Well we'll float on good news is on the way

And we'll all float on ok

Alright don't worry even if things end up a bit to heavy
we'll all float on alright

~modest mouse "float on"

heres a little piece of my heart for you guys, just to let you know im still here, thinking, breathing, feeling, learning, questioning...

i had a hard time at high school camp last week due to a combination of my poor health and heartaches coming from two different sources. the first being my high schoolers. a familiar heartache, rising sereval times throughout my ministry with them, concentrating around summer camp week. their distractions gravitating towards boys, clothes and music in an alleged distraction free enviroment is amazing to me. i get upset that their parents would pay the amount of money that they do so that their un-grateful child can go to camp for a week just to make out with some "hot" boy from bakersfield and then completly miss the message behind worship, or be so inthralled with the speakers accent that they would comletly miss the message during the word. their lack of conviction, motivation, open heartedness and excitment for God breaks my own heart.

and for the first time since i was called to ministry with them, i doubted that it was what i am suposed to be doing right now... the girls are bored with me. they are a different set of girls than when i first began working with that group and for some reason im having a harder time connecting with these ones... they liked eric a lot. he has only known then for a few weeks and after a few more weeks he will be gone. they like the newness... they dont agree with the things that i belive in and the way i go about ministry, although i have had to alter it to fit this particular group. it seems as though i cant alter it enouh and still stick to my own morals and convictions in order to suit them...

they say they got a lot out of robs speaker time, but they couldnt tell me what they got when i asked them. they said they learned a lot, but when i asked them what they learned, they couldnt say... they pointed out things that they heard and tried to make it sound like it was something that they learned, but when i probe with questions, they cant get deeper than their initial sunday school answer... they cant get past the fact that robs accent was "so cool" and "he really connects with us..." but i want to know WHY he connected with them... they did not like it when rob left and tony took over... they said he was harsh and he yelled at them and that when people yell at them it makes them no want to pay attention... but again my cynism takes over and i wonder if they didnt like tonys speaking becuase he isnt a cute, young australian with a cool accent...

but then again... who am i to think these things? how do i really know whats going on inside of their hearts? is it true that actions speak louder than words? if so, then am i right in my observations? but how dare i? am i limiting the Holy Spirit? perhaps there was something i was not seeing... maybe my sceptisism and pessimistic nature blining me from seeing the Holy Spirit in work... i would like to think that perhaps He did touch their lives, their hearts and worked their minds a bit... i would like to think that with all of my heart...

and then there were my dear friends on staff... it seemed as though everyone who i talked to was having a pretty hard time... and that was hard for me to hear.

and so now im here. sitting in my room at my desk, thinking, breathing, feeling, questions, learning... drinking water out of a laura scutters peanut butter jar. the sky is amazingly blue for the san juauin valley and the breeze coming through the door in lovely... this is life...