this weekends agenda...

:: friday night ::
pick up my room
clean off my desk
go to travis' school play
come home and watch fear dot com
dust off my shelves
watch about a boy

:: saturday ::
help my dad put the engine back into my car
go for a little drive in my un-registered, un-smogged car if'n its running (i havnt driven my own car in almost a year. i HAVE to take it for a little spin...)
maybe work on some web page stuff
maybe watch some move with woody, travis and charlie. maybe.

:: sunday ::
church i guess.
nothing.
youth group.

the punk rock show was postponed, meaning i have nothing to do on saturday night unless you want to come over and watch movies with me. well, depending on who exactly *you* are actually... *you* might not be invited over to my house... maybe i wont even be here. maybe i'll go out and do something by myself.

blah.

blah.

*laughing* im such a horrible person. im sorry. i realize that im probably just as horrible to mark as he is too me. i sort of feel like a hypocrite (sp?).. i go and teach my kids to view people as precious becuase thats how Christ views us, and then i turn around and call mark an ass.

Lord forgive me and help me to learn to view people as precious. even people who piss me off, like the below metioned. God made each and every person different and unique, and we all sin and fall short including myself. i have no right to judge.i dont only want to be viewed precious by God, i want to act like a precious person...

even though mark *is* an ass...

oook. i'll stop.

angry rant...

week before last i lost two pounds, last week i gained them back despite my hard efforts to loose another two pounds... stupid metabolism... i hate mark... i think he has something stuck up his butt, makes him act like an ass all the time... his girlfriend is frickin annoying too... people who are so damn task orintated and cant take it easy, really piss me off... people who just have to schedule something for every waking minute of their day for every day untill they die piss me off... people who have to be in the action all the time piss me off... people who have a damn "rutine" piss me off... why cant you people just sit down and take it easy and enjoy life slowly?!? take it easy for Gods sakes... stop commiting yourself to so much crap... its only going to wear you out and stress you out...it pisses me off when mark has the nerve to tell me that im going to have to start putting the toilet seat up for him half the time just because he leaves it up and i ask him to put it down... i dont think i should have to put up with that kind of behavior... its frickin rude... people who have no basic manners piss me off... people in general piss me off...

thats all.
pay no attention to me. its all out of my system for now.

end of angry rant...

so, a few years ago joel and benjamin and i took a trip down to san diego for a campus crusade for christ college conference. well, it just so happened that on this trip i only brought enough clean socks for 4 days, but the conference was 5 days. on the last day, the morning when we were to leave for home, i found out i was lacking for a pair of clean socks. now, i know i wear my clothes without washing them quite a few times over, but never socks. so i called over to joel and benjamins room and asked joel (he was my best friend at the time...) if'n i could borrow a pair of clean socks. when joel and benjamin came over to my room to pick me up becuase we were leaving, he handed me a pair of clean socks. not needing them at the time, i thoughtlesly threw them into my backpack and went on my merry little way.

about an hour later we were sitting and eating doughnuts for breakfast, about to catch the tram to the bus station where we would comense forth on the long 8 hour journey home, when it got very cold. san diego on a january morning can be cold, especially when you are sitting still and wearing birkenstock sandles with no socks. so i grabbed my borrowed pair of socks and began putting them on. suddenly it dawned on me... these were not only clean socks, they were new socks. brand new socks. and they were not only new socks, they were extremely white, soft and fluffy. they were in fact, the whitest, softest socks i had ever put on my feet. i was stunned to say the least. i asked joel where he had gotten these amazing socks and he said he had gotten them for christmas from his grandma and he didnt know where she had gotten them from. then i told me i could just keep those socks. it was almost the greatest gift i had ever recieved from joel. but he didnt know where he had gotten the socks.

thus began my long quest to find the socks. i wanted more soft, white fluffy socks... as more time went by i wanted them more and more. you see, even after washing these special socks, they stayed white and soft and fluffy. they never stoped. they just kept being white, soft and fluffy. i searched high and low to find the perfect sock, never prevaling much to my dismay. i simply could not find them. over the course of about a year, i managed to get two more pairs of the same socks from joel (one pair he just handed to me... he told me to close my eyes and hold out my hand. when i did so he put a pair of socks in my hand...) these socks were famouse in my house. i had put a little mark on them, so that no one else would wear them, but they were always on someone elses feet. my sisters stole them whenever they got a chance becuase they knew what i knew... these socks were special. over time i gave up my pursuit of the white fluffy socks. i just couldnt find them. i finally settled for buying the regular, ordinary hanes brand socks. i told myself that they were o.k. socks and that i really shouldnt obsess so much over such a silly thing as socks anyway.

well one night, about a week ago, i was over at my brothers house watching a movie. he was wearing a pair of socks. i happened to look down at the socks for no particular reason at all, and i noticed how white and fluffy and soft they looked. those were the socks! i couldnt belive it! i right away asked him where he had gotten the socks and he told me he had gotten them from costco. the one place i didnt even think of looking! as soon as i got a chance, after work i rushed down to costco. i stormed through the door and marched over to where the socks would be and there they were. my white, soft, fluffy socks. 12 pair for 12 dollars. i grabbed a package and bought them, ecstatic at my good fortune, and forever grateful to my brother who told me where he had bought them and forever grateful to joel who gave me my first pair of soft white fluffy socks.

i am wearing a pair of these socks right now. i love them. they are just so damn white and fluffy. i just felt compeled to write a story about my socks. pretty stupid i know, but im pretty proud of it. i guess though, if that story had to have a point behind it, it would be this : i dont believe God wants us to settle for anything less than his best. also, i dont think he wants us to look for his best. he just wants us to sit back and trust him. he will provide. even in the most unsuspected way and time, God will provide.

peace be in your hearts...

couple 'O questions...

who uses attbi and who uses mobynet? also, who is "Unknown"? the person who says is my "neighbor"... i have a feeling this persons name begins with a R and ends with a L, but i dont know for sure... hrm...

mara, if'n your out there, we need to get together and talk about stuff. josh w., did you ever look at my web page or what? and "Me"... i think your real name starts with a H and ends with an H also... am i right? am i going to see you on friday? charlie, thanks for looking at my web page, eh. you rock. seriously.
and chris, peace be in your heart...

weird stuff. kind of a boring post, but just thought i would throw that stuff out there.

i have backstage passes to a punk show.

a whole pot of coffee, an empty house, a bowl of coco pebbles and 4 hours of MTV, MTV2, VH1 and VH1 classics... what an awesome way to spent most of your saturday. theres only one thing that could have made today more awesome...

God bless saturdays.

so, "Me", are you still out there?

my first semester at c.o.s. i spent a lot of time writing in a notebook i had. a sort journal i guess. i spent a lot of time out in the quad writing and asking God questions and stuff. i think i grew quite a bit from writing that stuff down... i came across that particular notebook tonight while i was cleaning out a desk drawer. i spent some time flipping through it and i came across a entry that kind of struck me. i was asking God a lot of questions during this time, and this was just one question that i asked him... i never got an answer...

"if jesus experienced lonliness, and jesus is god and god never sins, would me being lonely be a sin? i wonder if this is just one of those questions that will never be answered untill i get home... Psalm 22:1-2 my god, why have you forsaken me? why are you so far from saving me? so far from the words of my groaning? o my god, i cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night and am not silent..."

i dont really want you guys to reply to that part of the post. thats not why i posted it. im not looking for answers from you.

so, im in the process of another design update for this page. im working on a little drawing and some other design things. hopefully it will be up and running soon.

tonight, i figured the building cost of my new 12x16 foot room is going to be $1008.00. thats just the building cost alone... i also have to get electric wiring, building permits and all kinds of other crap. i might just build it 10x10 so the cost will be lower... i dont know yet. its still a new thought, im still figuring it all out.

i was looking through some old art and sketches tonight also, and i wondered if joel still has those pieces i drew for him up on his wall... just kind of a random thought. doesnt really matter i guess. actually, it does matter. everything matters.

" and then, oddly enough, the first symptoms of true love in a young man is timidity, in a young woman, boldness. this is suprising, and yet nothing is more natural. it is the two sexes tending to unite, and each aquiring the qualities of the other." ~ Victor Hugo from his book Les Miserables.

maybe thats why my hippie/grunge/punk/cowboy hasnt asked me out yet. he is madly in love with me, therefor he is being timid.

wussy boys.

vegemite CONCENTRATED AUTOLYZED YEAST EXTRACT


yes folks... this is a photo of my very own jar of vegemite.

stupid f'ing words that just wont come out of my head. i cant even get a grasp on my motivation for the art pieces i want to do... things keep changing so the pieces in my head keep changing and they wont come out on paper. freakin a.

i miss having a good guy friend to talk to about stuff. i miss having a good friend, period. a good friend who is a guy is just a added bonus.

so, now some less seriouse stuff...
im going to build a small house i think. dont try to stop me or give me reasons i shouldnt do this. my mind is made up. also, chris is back. i would like to have my movie back... chris... i would like it back... ok... chris doesnt even look at my web site.

well.

hmm...

so, i think im going to simply move away from here.

just a little self portraite i drew... i know i dont smoke, but it adds to the whole apathetic look. and anyway, sometimes i think if i ever got the chance i would smoke a big fat... never mind...

happy frinkin new year. yeah.