yesterday was my birthday. nothing real exciting happened... just the same old drama as usual. when i woke up in the morning it was raining pretty good, wich was the beautiful part of the day, but of course like all things, the rain cleared up and made way for the sun to shine through. i hate that. i heard it was supposed to thunder and storm and all that, but it never did. typical.

so, after work i just sat and had coffee alone for a while, then took a drive to my brothers house and then came home. horray.

i had this horrible dream last involving joel. and why wouldnt i have a horrible dream involving joel? blah.

have a lovely day. at least one of us should.

wOw... its a beautiful day...

my last day of 21... whatever. the only thing i want for my birthday is the new white stipes album, "elephant". rock on.

its getting harder and harder to go home from anywhere. i would almost rather just sit somewhere else, even if im alone, and do nothing there. whatever.

last night we milled about downtown. i saw some pretty interesting things. well, they where interesting to me anyway, in a personal sort of way. kind of weird, kind of odd... you have no idea what im talking about...

i swear, if i had gasoline, and money for more gasoline, i would be so gone today...

random pessimism.

only one of the grossest things i have ever seen in my life... left over noodle salad and a cup of coffee at 7:30ish a.m. for breakfast. dang, thats sick.

lesbians and gay guys are gross. just a bit of randomness. actually, not so random becuase i saw a couple of each kind last night while sitting down town. at least, i think they were gays and lesbians, but i have been known to be wrong about such assumptions... sick.

so, yesterday i was sitting downtown at the coffee shop. people were coming and going as usual, and i was just sitting there at the counter on my little stool, reading the paper and whatever, and i got to thinking about how i just really dont like loud people. loud girls especially. whats even worse is the thought of how those loud girls are going to meet guys and then they are going to have loud babies. the loud babies will grow up into loud children, and then in turn, grow up to be loud adults. and thus the vicious cycle shall continue. loud, breeding with loud, producing more loud. Lord, please make it stop.

im going to go work in my garden. ahhh, precious serenity.

i think im going to be sick...

rejecting Gods love...

i just dont understand how people could outright reject the love that God has for them. i mean, if'n i werent already a christian, and somebody told me that there was a God who created me, knew who i was and loved me with all his heart and desired for me to talk to him and know him, then i would totally go for it. or at least give it a try. whats so hard about at least giving it a try? if your not satisfied with the love that God has for you, and the blessings that he wants to pour out onto your life when you accept him into your heart, just go back to the sad loney depressing life that you lived before. why not just give it your all. God or the world. stop being in between. accept it or dont. maybe i wouldnt be like that. maybe its easy for me to say that i would b like that becuase i have already known Jesus for the majority of my life. i dont know. whatever. its just that there are a few people in my life right now that i despratly want to come to Jesus. i want them, so badly, to experience the blessings that i was experienced from simply loving God. why is it so hard to accept? why? becuase people have to break it down and analize it and try to explain it, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah....... JUST ACCEPT IT! God loves you, he sent his ONE & ONLY son to die on the cross for your sins, becuase he loves you. HE LOVES YOU! ACCEPT IT & BE BLESSED OUT OF YOUR MIND!!!

Jesus is alive. and he is coming back. he defeated death and is coming back to collect his children. he loves you and he created you and he desires for you to accept that.

its not that hard. stop putting it off. stop analizing it. stop trying to explain it. the answer is Jesus.

blah. i just want them to know Jesus. thats all i want.

peace be in your hearts... i'll try to keep it in mine.

wOw... all i did was apply... and look what i got! java script errors and all! so folks, looks like "one of the most sought after web and graphic design awards; (the golden web award)" now belongs to me. and how hard was it to get? NOT HARD AT ALL FOOL! ohhh yeah. geeze. talk about HILarity. i didnt even put any effort into it what-so-ever. what a riot.



anyway, thats all. im going to go mill about for a while now.

and i just got back from mexico yesterday. what a blessing. i started out wondering why i was even going, becuase i kind of sort of felt a little pushed into it... its like everyone just assumed that i wanted to go becuase i had gone past years and because it was my youth group ministry... whatever. i mean, its not that i didnt want to go, i just didnt even think about it really.

so anyway, i told God how i felt and asked him to change my heart and as a result i recieved some true blessings. i saw several of the mexican people blessed and i saw several heart changes in my high schoolers, wich was one of the most awesomest blessings for me... i feel closer to God, and i feel closer to my kids... i dont know... i dont really know how to explain what i feel...

i heard that this web site will no longer be in a few more days. i supose this may just be my last post... would have been nice if someone had sent me an e-mail warning me about that. whatever.

i had this horrible dream, last night that my friend travis s. came to my house unexpectidly to tell me that he had been thinking about christianity and talking to a few friends about it and that he had decided that it just wasnt for him and that he really didnt need Jesus. when i began to tell him what i thought about that he interupted me and told me not to bother, his mind was made up and then he started walking away and i think he was even running from me. i just stood there watching him leave... i think i was crying... the dream woke me up and i said a little prayer for him.

peace...

so, the time change has really been giving me a hell of a time opertaing myself. im about ready to curl up and die. headache all day long, im tired on my feet all day long, cranky and irritable... i went to bed last night before 10:00 and still didnt get to sleep untill about 10:30'ish. why the hell did benjamin franklin invent the time change? travis, the coffee guy, says it was for the farmers and their crops or something like that... grrr...

he's an optimist, im a pessimist. and im begining to see a pattern here... all the guys i have ever really *liked* in this world have been optimists... and im a pessimist... i dont so much think that thats Gods way of telling me to become an optimist. i think its more so Gods way to showing me how oposites attract somewhat, and how he "hooks" certain people up so that their weakness will be a strong point in someone elses life, and the two people can help eachother out... some certain people never seem to realize that though.

woody and i are going to mexico on saturday along with travis and some other people. im sort of aprehensive about it becuase of my health and the stupid frickin time change thats affecting me so badly. if you have a few minutes, say a little prayer for us. i know that God can use me in spite of my weakness, and that he wants to use me in spite of weakness's.

and i was just watching the people of bagdad try to pull down the giant statue of sudam hussen that he erected for himself right in the middle of the town... it made me happy inside, so see those people so free... even if just for a moment, freely expressing themselves... ripping and tearing away at that horrible statue and burning those discusting murals of sudam... Lord, pplease protect those peoples new freedom...

Lord, i pray peace over iraq...

now, i support and trust bush, but i still thought this was pretty dang funny...


Father, forgive me... :)

he didnt show up for church this morning. suprise, suprise. not really. im a pessimist, so i wasnt really suprised at all. church was borning this morning too... probably because my body was telling me that i was lacking an hour of sleep. damn time change.

tomorrow i have to get my radiator routed out... today i got two new tires on my car. after i had gotten them, i was on my way home and i realized that i should have gotten white wall tires. just becuase they would have looked really shnazzy... heh... mom said it might make my car look like a pimp car... that made me laugh. yeah right, mom. i should take some photos of my darling little car to show ya'll. it really is a nice little car...

ive been working on the layout again... i like it better this way... all colorless and everything... its still got a few little glitches here and there. forgive the sloppiness, im working on it.

in case you didnt notice, i added a nice little guestbook again. sign it, if you will.

so, he showed up yesterday afternoon. i half expected him to forget, just becuase im a pessimist. so image my suprise when i walked outside to carry a box out to the truck and when i turned around to go back inside, i see him walking up the street. nice. we had a good time, i think. just sort of drove around for a while, then sat at the coffee shop for a while and talked. then i went home becuase it was dads birthday. but im going to go pick him up for church tomorrow morning. if he doesnt forget the time change that is... i bet he will forget that the time changes tonight, and show up an hour late tomorrow morning... prove my pessimism wrong, Lord. welp, we'll see...

i was just thinking about how simple my life seemed when i was still hanging around with joel. it was sweet. it was nice. i was thinking about how weird it is when your friends arent your friends anymore... and you get to thinking about how they werent really all that good of a friend at the time anyway... you realize how often they didnt call you or try to hang out with you or pursue your friendship in any way at all... you realize that they might have acted friendsly when you pursued, becuase what the hell? they had someone to hang out with, to make them look good, and they didnt have to do any work at all. YOUR to one who called. YOUR the one who pursued. YOUR the one who cared. not them. not him. and even though you might have begun to act sort of ass-holish, its only becuase your mood was horribly effected by the ass-holish attitude of your former friend when they completly cut all communication without any good reason, even though, like a damn fool, you still persued friendship, not able to take a hint. frickin a.

i think i deserve an explenation.

whatever. everyone needs a little outburst everyonce in a while.


*looks at the current world's population* You must have a lot of frustration then.
What pisses you off?
Created by ptocheia



peace be in your hearts...

"swing by watsons at 4 on friday if your not doing anything else... we'll go find something wild and crazy to do..."
*smile*

so, assuming he shows up, i have plans for friday night. to do what, i really don't know. michael gave me a few pointers though...

"so, your going out on friday?"
"yeah..."
"are you going to wear deoderant?"
"it would probably be a good idea, huh?"
"yeah... also, try showering..."

thank you michael, for the dating tips. i love it when my high schoolers teach me. what a blessing.

im in love...

...with this wonderful weather! its all rainy and windy and dark and cloudy outisde. absolutly awesome. thank you, Lord, for todays weather. what a blessing to me.

i bet ya'll thought i was going to say i was in love with travis the coffee guy, huh? hahaha. fooled YOU!

so you see, im working on the layout just a tiny bit... i added a guestbook and a couple other things. now im just trying to get them to line up properly...

man, what a lovely day.

thats about it i guess. hmm... two exlemation marks in one post... ive GOT to stop that...