im really glad i am not john malkovich...

im feeling really irratable today... like *something* is bothering me... mom says im probably stressing out over my stupid trip, wich is probably true. im hoping i'll start my period soon so that there will be at least a little bit of a valid reason to be this moody... but shoot, i just dont know... its just that im feeling really irratable and i dont really want to do anything, but at the same time i want to do everything... i think i actually *need* something to do... i cleaned my room. that helped for about five minutes... but then i went right back to being irratable again...

i think it is this stupid trip... trying to figure out tickets and crap is annoying as hell and im feeling really moody about it right now... probably becuase i have to talk to other people i am depending on before i can buy my lously ticket and in the mean time, ticket prices keep rising and rising like a madman. maybe thats why im so damn irratable...

im working on about a bazillion art pieces right now... im jumping on the illustrating fairy tales bandwagon and started a nice little one of little red riding hood... ive heard from several different people that i shoudl illustrate stories... so if anyone out there is a writter and would like to work with me on a story, get ahold of me. the only problem is im not a writer. i can illustrate, but i cant really write, so thats a problem. but if you write and would like to have your little story illustrated, let me know...

i had my first job as a professional photographer the other day... it went pretty well... check out my work if you want to...

roy dressel photography

anyway, i took most of those photos... except for the few at the bottom of the whole cake cutting thing.

i was pushed...

the inside of my dove chocolate said "naughty can be nice"... so, i guess its okay if sex is sold on the trash generated from my favorite chocolate... and i guess i just gave myself two reasons to cease buying dove...

sometimes these things sort of freak me out... at least this first one is pretty acurate... who are these people? how do thy know me so damn well?

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything. You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life. You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you. Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace. You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life. Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times. At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you. You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others. You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

What Temperment Are You?

You Play it Cool

You're not in your face, smokin' hot... and it's all by design You have a carefully crafted cool persona, leaving everyone wanting to know just a little more.

Are You Hot?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it. In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

alright, want to know hat ive been up too, my faithful scattered ragamuffin readers? well, today i made this...




into this... a sad tower for some dinosaurs and a cave man...




my body is pretty much useless today... physical and emotional stress has finally reached its max and lack of communication has pushed it over the edge, so basicly the only thing i could bring myself to do (so far, there is still a lot of dumb hours left to this day...) was to play with my legos and dinosaurs and one lousy caveman. so, as you can see, in case you were wondering, my creativity has not been all stiffled... i can make one hell of a lego tower out of random legos.

ive alo decited, in my state of confusion, to write more frequintly on here for a source of ventelation and becuase i noticed i still have quite a few hits per day from random places, but a few of them are consitant. thank you to my consistant readers. but seriously, jonesboro?

also, just to let you know, i cant seem to fix the damn layout of this blogspot... the stupid tables seem to be all screwed up and i just dont know what to do with them, nor do i really care at this point.

so, jonesboro huh?

ok, heres whats up...

when i woke up on wednesday morning i was not suprised to find that i was practicly completly deaf in my right ear. i wasnt suprised to find this out becuase it happens to me about once a year. about once a year i get a wax buildup so huge in my right ear that i go practicly completly deaf. no matter the amount of times i wash my ear throughout the year, it still seems to plug up, almost completly about once a year. so, i can barely hear anything, making it impossible to practice plying my guitar and making it so that i have to have my music up so loud that everyone else in the house is probably about to go deaf themselves. also, my balance is off. ive been tripping around and night before last i stepped on a snail outide on the sidewalk. thank god i was wearing my slippers because if i wasnt, sick.

i dont really know what else to say besides all that about my wax buildup. i will try to think of something more constructive to say later on some time i guess.

stupid blog, source of frustration...

i think i figured it out today...

culture shock... im a shut in...

the majority of my days has been spent here, in my little room. ive been drawing, mostly. listening to music (horribly emo music... bright eyes, nuetral milk hotel and iron and wine...), ive been strumming my guitar a bit and doing a lot of thinking and praying. i made sun tea. my diet consists mostly of sun tea, ice coffee and water.

i went on a walk yesterday evening, through the orange orchards. it was the first time that ive walked there for about a year and half. i was suprised to find that it didnt seem like that long ago. i got sad when i was walking east, for some reason... the mountains were beautiful though.

the sweetest part of my day has been late at night. after everyone is in bed, ive taken a blanket and have laid out in the front yard for about 45 minutes just breathing, talking to God, enjoying the cool air and trying to figure out the un-familiar sounds of night in the valley. its different than night in he mountains, sitting in the grass in the apple orchard, dodging bats plummiting into our heads...

im doing well so far.