tattoo convention? well, ive never really been to one. i supose its worth a shot. anyway, it should be interesting.

seasonal depressant... here it comes... theres something about spring time that really gets to me. knowing that the next few months will be filled with bright colors and lots of skin showing sort of makes me nautious. despite my efforts to thwart these feelings, they manage to remain, not far below the surface. im looking forward to next winter already, when i can wear my coat and hats and scarfs and multiple pairs of striped socks under my doc martens and two pairs of pants to keep myself from freezing in the exsessive amount of time i find myself spending outside depite the cold weather and mass amounts of snow piling up, almost reaching the eves of the roofs it tumbled off of.

i have to admitt though, spring time brings the blooming of my two of my top three favorite plants... the dogwood trees up on the giant sequoia trail and the daffodils, right outside of the house and almost everywhere i look. so, see there? i can be optimistic. when i want to be.

ive heard the speech three times, all times to almost completely different groups of people... this seasons coming to an end, we have one month left, lets make the best of this month, this time together, use it as you will, reflect on your life, what happened here, whats going to happen when you leave here, dont check out yet, seek God fevently during this time because he still wants to say a word to you... i wonder how many more times i will hear that... how many more times i will be sitting in the dark living room, on a sunday night listening to brian speaking those words and feeling the effect it has on my heart every time. it doesnt grow old. its real. its the truth. and i cant help but feel a little sad about it but mostly extremely excited.

i owned the kitchen this year. i owned it, it was mine. i feel in love with the kitchen this year. i feel in love with the building, the food, the walk-in, the mixer, the baking area, the dish room, the floor (wich is tiled now, by the way), the back dock, the mismatched dishes and the people who come in and out of the kitchen constantly throughout the day. i love them all. i claimed the kitchen as mine when i came back in the fall and it remains mine. this is where God wants me and i will do whatever it takes to stay untill He tells me to leave. untill He gives me something else to love with all my heart.

this is what spring time brings for me. reflections, love, life, life-bringin conversations, conviction and a closer relationship with Jesus becuase He called me to it.

whats next? who knows. im up for anything.

i dont really know what to write right now. i feel like i should probably write *something* here, but im not sure what. its not that nothing is going on. everything is going on. but maybe thats why im not writing on here. becuase so much stuff is going on.

so, i guess thats that.

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so basicly, heres what happened...

we went to san francisco in the pouring rain. we payed three dollars to get to san francisco (not counting the thousands of dollars we spent on gasoline) and crossed the thirteen hundred miles over the bay bridge and then cruised around san fran in a major state of confusion, accidently crossed the bay bridge again and didnt want to pay three more dollars to get back into the city, so we went into oakland and decited to head up to berkley to get sea food. up towards berkely, we saw a sign for san jose, so we turned around and went to san jose. we missed all the exits to san jose and continued on to santa cruz. where we ate good japanese food. after that we got confused and roamed around the area of watsonville, hollister and gilmore for about eighteen hours, trying to find our way home becuase we didnt know what to do. finally, we got home around 1:00 and i slet nicely in my own bed untill about now. thats what happened.

awesome day.

yesterday i realized in in the bad habbit of telling people that i am horrible when they ask me how i am doing. its the first thing that comes to mind. im not sure why. i think a part of me really is horrible. but isnt there a part of everyone that is horrible most of the time? all of the stuff in my head that i cant get away from, all of the "life" that im dealing with, stupid crap. part of me is always horrible.

but i realized later, after telling someone i was horrible, that im not all that horrible. im actually wonderful. whats happening in my life? i have no idea! (note the exclamation mark). i have no clue whats going on. whats making me horrible? all of the stupid crap. whats making me wonderful? all of the stupid crap. i love it. i love it. i love it.

im in the middle of an adventure. an adventure with ideas and plans and thoughts, but not a lot of direction. not a lot of certanty. but thats the way i want it.

how am i doing? im lovely, thanks for asking.