today my co-worker and i refused five dollar tips from an arrogant realty agent who comes into the shop all the time and subtly hassles us. we decited that we wouldnt take his money when he degrates us, insults our intellegence and treats women like objects. we will not accept money from someone who brags about how glad he is that he divorced his wife becuase now she is is fat and has ugly red hair and a face covered with acne.

in hinds sight, i realized i should have told him why we were refusing his tip, when we refused it, instead of simply refusing it and moving on with our business... some time before i leave, before i quit and move away, i will tell him that he cannot treat people the way that he treats us...

we are not impressed by his huge business deals and all the land that he sells... we are not impressed that one buyer bought 9 pieces of property from him and is going to treat him to a weekend in san fransisco, transported by his own personal plane... he is no better than we are just becuase he is a big shot business man making more money than i could probably imagine, while we are behind a counter grounding up coffee at the espresso bar and re-making his specialized shakes for him five times before we get it just right...

and when i told him that i dont mind driving my crapped out mini van that i bought and paid for, when i told him there are plenty of cars out there and a person does not need to go out and buy a brand new car off the lot, when i told him that i will continue to drive my '99 mini van and i will not buy into the status symbols of cars, he proved to be full of shit when he replied by saying that he doesnt give into the status symbols of cars either... ohh no... he doesnt buy into the status symbol of cars... but when he left the coffee shop later, he drove away in a little 2003 black jaguar...

i will not accept money from that man, although the five dollars could have put some gasoline into my car, i will not compromise what i belive in and will not allow him to insult me and then buy me, only to hassle, degrate and insult my co-workers all week long and then come back next sunday morning and insult me and try to buy me with a tip again...

dont ever be afraid to stand up for what you believe in... dont ever compromise for money, especially...

i dont hate him. i am sad for him... money must be his only friend and he is a very lonely man.

peace...

in case you wondering what kind of girl i am...

I am Granola Girl Click on the picture below to read more: Take the 'What Kind of Girl Are You?' quiz at CookingToHookup.com

i feel funny... like im suddenly crunched for time...

happy thanksgiving.

i decited that today was a good day to get a couple of new tires for my car so after school i shimmyed on down to pep boys and was getting everything arranged with the sales rep...

we went outside to look at my tires to confirm a few questions he had concerning the current condition and wear of the old tires to decide weither or not i needed an alignment as well. he pointed out to me, judging by the inside track wear of the right tire, i would probably need an alignment. then we went over to check on the left tire, the drivers side, and after just a slight glance, he exlaimed "oh yeah... you REALLY need some new tires..." and he pointed out to me the top of the tire where there was a huge chunck missing leaving the mesh of wires on the inside of the tire exposed. he told me i was asking for a blow-out and was lucky i hadnt had one already.

imidiatly (sp?) my mind flashed back to saturday morning as i was on my way into town for work and i felt something hit and bump the underneith of my car... my heart pounded and my eyes got wide with suprise as i glanced at the rear view mirror to see what i might have hit. nothing was back there so i kept going, oblivious as to the state of my tires.

so, after work that evening my friend i drove my car down mooney to lowes to look at some wood for painting on. then all the way back down to main to drop him off. the next morning, i drove into town for work and back home and then, again, i drove into town this morning to school completly unaware of the fact that i could have a blow out disaster at any time.

the point of my story is that God is awesome and faithful and ever watchful of his precious children. i could have been in a dangerous disaster, and i had no clue as to what was going on, but Jesus had my back. i really was amazed when i saw that chunk out my tire and heard that guy telling me about the possible blow out i could have had. Jesus is good...

peace...

guilt by asociation? hmm...

i was in some sort of school... it was a school that i had never been too before, although some of the people walking by me were familiar. down one hallway, behind swinging double doors with plexiglass windows, i could see my health and wellness instructor talking to someone behind a counter.

i wondered what i was doing there... taking classes i supose... i turned around and walked through another set of swining double doors and entered into a long, deserted coridor. i was looking for my class. as i walked down the hall, i noticed all the lockers that lined the wall. all of them were locked with big padlocks and painted a sort of sea foam green color. the hall had a sort of cold, eerie feel to it and i was completly alone.

i turned a corner in the hall to face another section of long, deserted hallway, this time with no lockers lining the wall, just cold plaster painted green. sudenly i felt a breeze blow up from behind me and i heard padlocks being opened and locker doors swining open. i cautiously walked back to corner and peered to the hall with the lockers. i was amazed to see all the padlocks being opened and the locker doors swining violently open by something invisable. a chill ran up and down my spine and the air was cold. the action seemed to stop when i stepped into the hall. i slowly walked back down the hall, towards the swinging doors to get out of that hallway, watching the lockers the whole time.

i imidiatly went through the other doors, to where my health and wellness instructor stood, still talking with a lady behind a counter. i told him about the padlocks and locker doors and asked him if that was a normal thing to happen. he responded by looking at me like i was crazy and he looked down the window into the locker hallway. all of the lockers were closed and locked, as they were when i first went into that hall. "get to class" he told me... "dont you believe me?" i asked him and he turned back to talking to the lady behind the counter.

slowly i walked back to the locker hallway... i had to go back in there, my class was down there somewhere. i entered the hall and felt the cold again. everything was still and silent this time. suddenly i heard the lights clicking off down the hall and everything was dark. i turned in sort of a panic and left the hall, through the double swining doors with the plexiglass windows. outside, my instructor was locking up the second set of doors, the hallway beyond was dark. "are you leaving? are you going home?" i asked him, desperate for companionship, not wanting to be left alone in this building. "yeah..." he said. i followed him.

shutting off the lights as we went along, leaving the cold, sharp darkness behind us, we aproached the elevator. the uneasy feeling in my gut was not leaving and the anxiety was only building up. my instucot pressed the button and we heard a sharp DING and the elevator door opened. i was suprised to see a young man, sitting huddled in a corner on the elevator door. his clothes were all raggety and his face was a pale, greyish white. my instructor seemed to not notice him and walked right into the elevator. i stepped in and stood close to my instructor, away from the young man, who sat almost lifeless, staring into nothing. i noticed the same cold in that elevator as was in the hallway, and the image of the locker doors swining violently open remained imprtined in my mind as i watched the man out of the corner of my eye.

my instructor pressed the button to go down. the elevator stalled a bit and then shook some. my instructor finally began to be alarmed and the young man on the floor continued to sit, emotionless. my eyes widened and the cold grew around me. the elevator shook again and darted down the shaft about a foot. it was out of control. my instructor began to panic and as he was moving around, the movement of hius feet set the elvator in motion again and it shook around and begun its free fall, down the several stories to the end of the shaft. we were going to die when that elevator car hit the bottom. all i could hear around me was wake up! wake up! wake up!. the young man sat still in the corner of the car and my instructor was screaming. i covered my eyes and darkness surrounded me... i was not going to die...

the next thing i knew, i was flying... i was flying up out of the top of the elevator, looking down at my instructor who was looking up at me, watching me fly up... the young man was no where to be seen. i flew up over a tall pine tree and looked around me... the sky was bright and clear. there was no darkness left, no cold feeling... i flew down and grabbed my instructors hands and pulled him up out of the top of the elevator and flew him up to safety, to the green grass on the earth above. did i die? i dont feel like i died... i just gained the ability to fly...

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
in my dream, after i flew my instructor to safety, i was fighting some sort of little baby demon. it was really awful looking and it bit my hand. i ended up killing it, triumphant in the end of our short lived battle.

that was a weird dream... really chilling although not quite a nightmare...

i think today, i'll use the stairs though...

yesterday evening i attended a bible study for the first time in litteraly months. it was a small group meeting at the newest starbucks in town, led by my older brother. the lesson lasted about 15 minutes, talking a little bit about Jacob. then the rest of the time was spent in fellowship, listening to peoples conversations and being entertained by my neice, haley.

lots of thouhgts were flying through my mind during that bible study...

first of all, it was really good to be hearing the word of God taught, even if it was just for a few minutes. it was good for my heart and soul and i might just force myself to go to the assembly of god service tonight... that might be good too...

second of all, i wasd struggling with the fact that i was sitting in the newest starbucks. the FOURTH starbucks to go into our little town of 98,775 people. four starbucks, three quizznos, four subways, two malls, wal mart, target greatland, an empty building where the regular target used to be, k-mart supercenter... the list gos on and on and on and on... not to mention the brand new shopping center they are building out there over useful farmland to suit the needs of our affluenzic society.

i want to scream sometimes... everyone should participate in this...


something funny about last night is that during the bible study my brother brought up the part from the movie "whats eating gilbert grape" when gilberts boss, the owner of a small town grocery store comented on how the newly built, corpratly owned Food Land was probably taking away all the customers. he asked gilbert if he had even been there and gilbert (played by johnny depp) looks up from pricing some canned food with a small pricing gun and solemnly says "no sir. i would rather die." later on in the movie, gilbert had to go to the food land to buy a birthday cake for his little brother who had destroyed the homemade one (watch the movie). as gilbert was walking out of the store, his boss was driving by in the parking lot, just checking out the competition. his boos stopped and there was gilbert, standing there in front of the food land, holding food land products... ironic...

the ironic thing is that i work for a small locally owned coffee shop here in town that probably doesnt make nearly as much money as starbucks. and there i was, sitting in the monster, starbucks.

sometimes i try to justify starbucks by telling myself that they are good becuase they do provide jobs for people who live here. if starbucks wasnt here, were would those people work? but something inside of me feels like a cheap sell-out when i tell myself that...

ugh. sigh.

im going to go create something now...

i have a homework asignment due tomorrow... but really, how can they possibly expect me to do homework when i have so much art to work on? shoot.

found this on someones site... its different...


TEN people I enjoy the company of in no specific order:
1. my family
2. sabin, heather and my nephews and niece
3. my high schoolers
4. mara
5. juanita and charlie (i miss you)
6. chris
7. mike
8. patrick
9. abby and james
10. joel

NINE things im wearing:
1. ring
2. piece of hemp around my neck
3. earing, earing, earing, earing, earing, earing, earing, earing, earing, earing, earing, earing, earing, earing (i guess that counts as 14...)
4. pants
5. shirt
6. underwear
7. white fluffy soft socks
8. toe rings
9. earing :p

EIGHT things on my mind:
1. Jesus
2. this survey
3. work tomorrow and after work tomorrow
4. december 27th
5. victor jara
6. the drawing im working on
7. going to bed
8. vw buses

SEVEN items I touch everyday:
1. my keys
2. the coffee pot handle
3. my steering wheel
4. a cd
5. my shoes
6. the couch
7. a door handle

SIX things I do everyday:
1. have a cup of coffee
2. draw a little somethin
3. talk to Jesus
4. go for a walk
5. think of the possibilities
6. drive my car

FIVE things I want to do before I die:
1. become a gypsey for a while
2. get married
3. sell a piece of art
4. drive a diesle truck
5. go to canada

FOUR things I would never do:
1. heroin
2. become a carnivore
3. drive a SUV
4. wear a tube top

THREE things I think when I wake up:
1. good morning Jesus
2. hey, remember when i slept untill 10 or 11 everymorning and now i have to wake up at 7:00? shoot...
3. i wonder what will happen today...

TWO of my favorite fast foods:
1. i don't eat fast food...
2.

ONE person I love more than any other:
1. i dont think i love anyone more than any other...

its out of my hands...

patrick and i spent several hours yesterday with george tanimoto, an awesome little japanese artist who has been through a lot of life and worked a lot in art. he showed us around inside the porterville art gallery (wich is closed on monday, but he wanted to give us a special tour) and walked us downtown to a mexican resteraunt to show us a mural his friend had painted. he ended up buying us lunch.

so, what had started as a somewhat pointless day or planned thrift store shopping, ended up being a blessed day full of sharing with fellow artists. i am inspired, encouraged and blessed. Jesus is amazing.

wow... yesterday was just one blessing right after another...

life.

*closes eyes and takes a steps forward blindly*

i have a plastic zip lock bag full of peachy-o's.

im playing mahjongg tiles.

i voted.

my experiment failed again today...

i cleaned out my car and found something valuable.

i played with paper mache this afternoon.

i put a green french clay mask on my face this evening untill it dried up and got all tight and stung. then i washed it off... it reminded me of how sometimes when Jesus wants us to get rid of some things in our lives it hurts and stings us, but when we finally rid ourselves of whatever that hindrance might be, the results are beautiful and new... Jesus is good to His children.

peace...

well, im off to school again... off to the history class that im failing for no apparant reason other than me just simply sucking at academic studies. have a good day.