"i just want someone to say to me, i'll always be there when you wake..." ~blind mellon

the majestic...

im watching it.

"Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in
Oh, and it's rising at the back of your mind

You never could get it
Unless you were fed it
Now you're here and you don't know why

But under skinned knees
And the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn

You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return

He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why

You're waiting for someone
To put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away

There's always another
Wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say

He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why

But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for

Out of the island
Into the highway
Past the places where you might have turned

You never did notice
But you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return

He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why

I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you
And I don't know why

And I don't know
Why
Why

And I don't know "

i am aprils borken heart...

this is the reason i like jimmy eat world...

"Your House"

When you're on, I swear you're on.
You rip my heart right out.
You rip my heart right out.
I think the whole room can hear me clear my throat.
You rip my heart right out.
You rip my heart right out.
If you still care at all, don't go, tell me now.
If you love me at all, don't call.
Then out of nowhere, put me right back there.
Rip my heart out, you rip my heart right out.
And we know what happens when we get to your house.
Rip my heart out, you'll rip my heart right out.
If you still care at all, don't go, tell me now.
If you love me at all, please don't, tell me now.
If you still care at all, don't go, tell me now.
If you love me at all, don't call.
I throw away everything I've written you.
Oh anything just keep my mind off of it, thinking how I had you once.
No, I can't forget that.
Sometimes I wish I could loose you again.
You're winning me over with everything you say.
You rip my heart right out.
You rip my heart right out.
When I let you closer, I only want you closer.
You rip my heart right out.
You rip my heart right out.
If you still care at all, don't go, tell me now.
If you love me at all, please don't, tell me now.
Yeah, if you still care at all, don't go, tell me now.
If you love me at all, don't call.
If you love me at all..

weird dreams... i had another one of those *weird* dreams last night. the one that isnt so much weird as it is really sweet, but when i wake and think about it it really kind of scares me to think that that might be what im thinking in the back of my mind and the bottom of my heart...

on another sweet note, worship last night was awesome. it truly is a God thing through and through. the bands themselves actually werent all that great, but it was the fact that worshiping God freely is one of the most awesome things that anyone could do, ever. you guys should have been down there with me dancing around and stuff. heh.

"could you take my picture, 'cus i wont remember..." ~filter

stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.

thats all.

well... life.

i dont know what the hell is going on. im just trying to take it as it comes. but some things dont seem like they should come. or some things that i think should come, arent coming.

well, whatever is coming, should be coming soon. at least it ought to be coming soon. give me a break.

the guy at borders last night was awesome. i just wanted to say that. he was just plain awesome.

grody...

i had this big blood blister right next to my topest ear peirching. thats not unusual, i get them every great once and while, but this one was on the front side of my ear and they are usually on the back side of my ear. it was pretty sick to pop it. its weird how much blood is up there in the cartilage of your ear. its weird how when i pierced my ear up there it didnt bleed at all, but when i poped the blister it bleed like a mother.

so, last night i got heathers site up and running. check it, aspire to be.

i have a feeling about today... its going to be good. thank God its friday though. i need a break. i need to hang out with my best friend.

ice tea and computer networking...

i have this glass of strawberry mango ice tea right now and its really good.i make my tea with a quarter cup of sugar to a gallon of tea and my brother thinks i should put more sugar, but isaiah thinks i shouldnt put any sugar in it all. i dont really care though because neither of them are here drinking tea with me as often as i am, so it doesnt really matter what they think, does it? so there.

dad brought home a big box of networking cable today so we can network the four computers together on saturday. its going to be tight to have internet access in my room finally.

hrm... my allergies are killing me.

" there is one spectical grander than the sea, and that is the sky; there is one spectical grander than the sky, that is the interior of the human soul. " ~written by victor hugo from his book les miserables

thats it

from this time on, i am joining heathers good crusade in boycotting the telephone. not that i really get any calls anyway, but also, i really wouldnt give a damn if i did get calls. the only calls i would welcome are calls from my high school youth from the church, kasey or isaiah. no one else. i simply wont come to the phone. i just wont.

anyway, here is a story that travis wrote. its a true story. i had to post it becuase its the best story ever...
..." i went to church yesterday thinking there was bible study and there was knowone there but the sanctuary was open and so i went in and sat there all by my self then i saw a giant bug so i ran away then i walked to the seawards and sat in chris's car then someone found me then i started to run away from there but chris looked so sad so i stayed and hung out with chris poor chris he was so sad thats what he gets hes lucky he has a friend like me but seriously folks no one should ever have to go through what chris had to go through that night it was horrible
thats all i have to say about that "...
posted on my blogback by travis @ 05 Jul 02 02:01
sorry i didnt let you know there was no bible study on wednesday. but if i had let you know, then you wouldnt of had a reason to write the above story, so you see, i really did you a favor. and chris too. (chris is awesome people. if you havnt met chris, you should come out and meet him. shake his hand. he has a killer grip. ) yo.

hrm... things to do today include the following...
*install adobe photoshop on my computer
*work on my web page layout
*watch pulp fiction
*record my blue heaven at 10:30
*watch hannibal
*water my plants
*celebrate my nephews birthday

"how i wish, how i wish you were here. were just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year. running over the same old ground, look how we found the same old fear... wish you were here..." ~wish you were here, pink floyd

well, well, well.

we went out and did some vandalizing (good clean fun) last night. then we (kasey, travis, chris and i...) sat around out here for a while. fun. travis and i played *suprise* rufus. i won. "they dont call me the rufus queen for nothin!".

welcome home isaiah and woody. im glad your back. seriouse. also, welcome back josh. looking forward to hanging out.

i finally wraped joels birthday present becuase i was tired of looking at it. yeah, remember joel? he was the guy who used to hang around a lot and stuff way back in the day. life was good back then. back in the day. back in the day when joel was around.

"go away, go away, go away...
leave me alone..." ~drift and die, puddle of mudd

ahhhh thursday... yesterday was sort of downer becuase i didnt get to go have bible study with my favorite group of people in the world. blah. the seawards had a special *party* at their house and you could only go if you were *invited*. so i didnt go. it was nice to stay home and sketch anyway.

hrm... kasey might come over today to watch movies or whatever. good times, good times. i keep thinking that since today is a holiday that my best friend isaiah should come over and watch movies too. but he is at camp.

zaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

movies to watch within the next couple of days include: hannibal, fight club and a few good men. im obsessed with keifer sutherland right now.

note to self:: i have to go to blockbuster and rent keifer sutherland movies...

happy fourth of july. hoo-rah.

good morning kids. so far, so good. after all, the day is only what you make it. well, not really. other people have a lot to do with your day turns out in the end. but i guess its how you choose to deal with those other people that would ultimatly change the outcome of your day. but some certain people have a unchangable effect on you. like, you just cant help feeling the way you do about certain people, weither you like it or not. thats just the way it is.

too much thinking. sorry about my little "fit 'o rage" yesterday. today is going to be a much better day.

i hate pointless phone calls.

some people are so full of shit.

sorry.

i think im going to puke. ive never been truly wasted in my life, but i feel wasted right now.my eyes burn, my head hurts, my body aches, my mind is clouded and my heart feels like its going to explode.

no nice dreams last night. it was way to hot to even sleep. all i got was that stupid sleep where your sort of awake all night and totally aware of the position your body is lying in. my mind was resting i guess, but not too well. i need sleep. i need something.

happy monday. i have to go to work now.