Lord, i want to marry that man... *sigh* he might have stolen zebs soul, but he has stolen my heart... http://www.whitestripes.com

If i were..
if i were a month i would be: any month in the winter time…
if i were a day of the week i would be: Thursday.
if i were a time of day i would be: 9:30 p.m.
if i were a planet i would be: venus
if i were a sea animal i would be: a shark. A horrible, big, gross, discusting, meat eating shark. growl
if i were a direction i would be: North
if i were a piece of furniture i would be: a desk.
if i were a sin i would be: I would be drug trafficking…
if i were an historical figure i would be: batman.
if i were a liquid i would be: water.
if i were a tree, i would be: I would be a dogwood tree…
if i were a flower/plant: a daffodil…
if i were a kind of weather, i would be: rainy… dark grey cloudy, stormy, windy…
if i were a musical instrument, i would be: a harmonica… or a violin…
if i were an animal, i would be: a duck
if i were a color, i would be: black.
if i were a vegetable, i would be: a cucumber.
if i were a sound, i would be: the bass drum…
if i were an element, i would be: rain
if i were a car, i would be: a 1991 plymouth voyager… my 1991 plymouth voyager…
if i were a song, i would be: “no rain” by blind mellon…
if i were a movie, i would be directed by: tim burton or the cohen brothers of francis ford coppila… probably tim burton though…
if i were a book, i would be written by: whoever wrote the catcher in the rye…
if i were a food, i would be: a yummy, yummy marshmellow…
if i were a place, i would be: the dirt road in the orchard at night….
if i were a material, i would be: rayon
if i were a taste, i would be: salty
if i were a scent, i would be: sage.
if i were a word, i would be: dammit.
if i were an object, i would be: a coffee cup.
if i were a body part i would be: the eyes…
if i were a facial expression I would be: expressionless
if i were a cartoon character I would be: jane lane from daria
if i were a shape i would be a: a cirle
if i were a number i would be: 3
if i were a disease i would be: I would be a hypocondriac…

according to the kelley blue book, my car is only worth $1,585.00, but to me its worth much more than that...

so, i just realized that my sisters new converse all stars are the same color of a pair of underwear that i have. weird. i just realized that when i glanced down at them lying on the floor...

tonight i rented a couple of movies... all horror movies... hopefully entertaining horror movies... ringu, house of a thousand corpses and pet semetary. house of a 1,000 corpses looked pretty gruesome, but what the heck. might as well watch it all by my little desenthisized self.

ive been thinking about how fun it would be to go out on a date. like, a real "date". like, have someone go "so, do you want to go out sometime?" and me go "yeah, sure..." and then he sets something up. something classic and cliche like dinner and a movie. but we would dress up and he would bring me some cheesy flowers when he came to pick me up for our date. then we would go see some movie and then we would sit in a resteraunt or something and he would pay for dinner. then we would go for some sort of cheesy walk around downtown, then (not too late) he would drive me home and say something dumb like, "can i call you tomorrow?" and i might say "sure." and then smile at him and walk away into the house. and he would drive away with some sort of stupid grin on his face. i would just love to have a cheesy, cliche date like that. i would love it.

i got paid today. so, between bills and my date to disneyland i have no more money for the next two weeks. vitamins and stuff are expensive, as i learned from buying about 5 items from the store since my last paycheck. i had a $77.00 charge on my bill. but, some vitamins are essential. especially if your a vegetarian like me. wich reminds me, i really should get a b12 vitamin...

has anyone looked at this web site since i sent out the e-mail?

hrm... i dont know how chris and i are going to survive living in an apartment and driving a bike with 5 kids. ah well, at least i live in oregon and i get to be a stay at home mom... *sigh*

You will live in Apartment.
You will drive a grey bike.
You will marry chris and have 5 kids.
You will be a stay at home mom in oregon
mash.

Take the test, by Emily.

How Would YOU Take Over the World?

You Survived! You are a regular Nancy Thompson (A
Nightmare on Elm Street). Although you mostly
ran. But cowardlyness helped you survive. But
of course that killer will be stalking you the
rest of your life. Oh well!

Can You Survive A Horror Movie?
brought to you by Quizilla


It seems that you're falling for a buddy
or have already fallen for them. Uh-oh. You're
probably caught between the possibility of
having a great relationship and wrecking the
one you have now. You know what they say, it's
better to regret something you did than
something you didn't do.

What Romance Movie Best Represents Your Love Life?
brought to you by Quizilla


You represent... angst.
You have an extremely cynical outlook on just about
everything. It's okay to sulk and be
depressed, but life is short, and you only get
one. It's only what you make it, and only you
can make it improve.

What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla


Gray: You poor, depressed child. A rain cloud seems to
follow you everywhere. The worst has always got
to happen doesn't it? Life is miserable.

What color do you see the world in?
brought to you by Quizilla

and im saving the best for last........

april is a Giant Blob that breathes Fire, Escaped from a Secret Government Research Base, and cowers from Radiation. Strength: 8 Agility: 1 Intelligence: 2 To see if your Giant Battle Monster can defeat april, enter your name and choose an attack: fights april using Strength Agility Intelligence

the following post does not pertain to any one person in particular... it does pertain to several people though, it might pertain to you... im writing the following as if im writing to a girl... but it could go either way, depending on who you are... i know a couple of people in a situation like this right now... ive known them in the past... think about it...

why do you even bother? why do you bother with him? cant you see that he is only dragging you down? he is only holding you back. he is ruining former good relationships. he is only using you, he gives you the run around and yet, you think that he loves you... you think that he makes your life better, you think that you are destined to be with him. i bet you have never even considered being with any one else. you have never even considered the fact that there could be someone out there somewheres who will treat you good, someone who will call you just to talk, someone who will walk you up to the door at night to make sure you get in safely, someone who will come over to your house unexpectidly and suprise you just to visit, just so he can see you. you have never even considered the fact that there is someone out there who compliments you perfectly, someone who will help make your life a little easier, someone who will be in love with you and do sweet things to suprise you, bring you flowers at work and give you random suprises. i bet you think that in time everything will be o.k. i bet you think that in time, everyone will just forget about the strife that you have caused in a result of this relationship... the strife you have caused them by seeing you, their loved one, in a relationship that is not doing you any good. it hurts to see someone you love being torn apart by someone who they think loves them... it hurts to see all the times that he has hurt you, even if you dont admitt to it. and you dont admitt to it. you are proud and you are hell bent on being with that person, no matter what. you think you love him and you think he loves you. it hurts to see you so decieved. it hurts to see your family torn apart by it... it hurts to hear all the lame ass excuses that you and him give to cover up for stupid things that you do... i wish you would just get over it. just give it up. it would hurt at first, it would hurt bad, but eventully ( believe me, ive been there ) it will be better than it was before. you will realize what happened and you will realize that love really does blind you. you dont want to listen to the truth, you dont want to consider things that people who love you offer you, you think they are wrong, you think you are right. you think you can trust your "friends" over your family. your full of shit. you are both full of shit. i wish you would take some time to consider this. i wish you would reflect on the things that have happened as a result of your "love" for this person and you would re-consider him. i wish you would consider what would happen if you gave it up. if you got over the pride and you just gave it up. think of the things you could do, the people you could meet, the broken relationships that you could mend... think about how God can bless you. you say God is blessing you now, but how can all the hurt be a blessing? there has been more hurt, more strife, more grief than there has been happiness... if you deny that then you are really full of shit. God wants to bless, he does not want to tear families apart. the boy treats you like shit. he tears you down, he does not support you, he does not know you, he does not care. he is not ready for a relationship and you are dragging him down by staying in it. you are holding him back from what he could be you are not helping him out. i wish you would just get over it... consider it... think about it... pray about it... get some acountability... break if off.

but i know that you wont. you wont. i know that already...

ive been there myself. ive been stifled by a relationship before, i held on for a long time. but once it was over, once i let it go, i felt better. it hurt. sometimes its lonely, but i would rather be alone now than still be where i was before... i would rather feel this lonliness than feel the hurt that i felt before...

God puts people in our lives to learn from. he puts certain people in our lives to learn from their past experiences, hurts and trials. maybe you can learn from mine. maybe you can believe what im saying about being better off without him. maybe you can trust me... and trust others... maybe God wanted me to share this for you to consider...

i feel bad for you. i feel bad that you are not able to reach your full potential because you are being dragged down... i feel sorry for you becasue you honestly think this relationship is right and blessed by God... i feel sorry for you and it hurts.

please... stop.

so, ive finally e-mailed you to let you know about my site moving and changing... there will be more changes to come hopefully... this is it for now. enjoy reading the crapy soap opera that is my little life...

*christian* punk rock show tonight... probably wont go unless corey calls. i dont want to go by myself and deal with all the sh*t... maybe being a bit over dramatic (probably), but i would really rather stay home and watch movies by myself that go and possibly see certain people whom ive been avoiding for so long... drama, drama, drama.

my new friends name is zeb. he is a dork. we are going on a date to disney land. no joke.

ive been using this whitening toothpaste for the past six months or so... im not sure if its done the trick or not... not that my teeth are horribly discustingly ugly anyway, but just thought i would give the whitening toothpaste a shot to see how it worked...

movies i rented yesterday include the life of david gale (zeb was right... it sucked...) who is celtis tout, bram stockers dracula, analyze that, scary movie & goodfellas.

welp, ive been writing here for a little while since i took the other site down. probably some stuff you havnt read before in case you wish to catch up on the happenings in my life. if you dont wish, then read no further.

meh...

all dressed up and no where to go... no one to be with... nothing to do... damn. i guess i'll just go dress down and take a walk by myself.

*singingtomyself* story of my life...

peace be in your hearts...

I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself
by the white stripes...

I just don't know what to do with myself
I don't know what to do with myself
planning everything for two
doing everything with you
and now that we're through
I just don't know what to do

I just don't know what to do with myself
I don't know what to do with myself
movies only make me sad
parties make me feel as bad
cause I'm not with you
I just don't know what to do

like a summer rose
needs the sun and rain
I need your sweet love
to beat love away

well I don't know what to do with myself
just don't know what to do with myself
planning everything for two
doing everything with you
and now that we're through
I just don't know what to do

like a summer rose
needs the sun and rain
I need your sweet love
to beat love away

I just don't know what to do with myself
just don't know what to do with myself
just don't know what to do with myself
I don't know what to do with myself

please dont come around any more. i dont like seeing you. i feel uncomfortable with you around. you do not amuse me, you annoy me.

you look sick, like you have lost 20 pounds. you don't look well. i feel sorry for you.

don't feel sorry for me. don't judge me by the music i listen too or the movies i watch or the emense amount of time i use simply sitting somewhere. don't judge me by those things. i hate that. you really don't even know me any more.

if you ever want to sit down and talk, i might be willing. but only if you, for one time in your life, take a little bit of effort. but if you, as usual, dont care to take that effort, please just go ahead and avoid meaningless visits and please think twice before you just pop in to say hello.

i don't like seeing you.

thats it.

so... yeah.

i have a new crush. my new crush is on vanilla hazelnut coffee creamer. its the best.

lets see... recent movie watchings include : ravenous, edward scissorhands, jason vrs freddy, apocolypse now redux, buffalo 66, kiss the girls, barry lyndon, pumpkin, pretty in pink & the goonies. all within the last week and a 1/2 or so... tomorrow is my movie renting night. meh...

im really looking forward to the winter time. im really looking forward to the day that God trades out this hot, stick weather for cold, dry, freezing weather. i love it. just thinking about it puts me in a cheery mood. i want to start wearing socks and sweaters and scarves and gloves and things... i want to use the heater in my car when i drive. i want to look outside and see grey skies and dead grass and bushes. its getting towards the end of august, so its coming up...

i saw a banner for the "holloween superstore" yesterday when i was driving down the bolouvard (sp?). i think im going to go in there this year, just to see what kinds of fun things they have. i dont care too much about halloween, wich is why this year im planning on sitting at home by myself. parties are stupid. i'll just rent "halloween" and stay at home and watch it by myself, as usual.

speaking of by myself, my friend and i were suposed to go to disney land together. i was excitied because i havnt been since i was like 10. but then her family had to do something and she had to go with them, so we couldnt go. and this weekend she probably cant go either and soon she is leaving for school. i have all the money put up to go, so i guess i'll just have to go alone. unless you want to come along with me. whatever. i guess thats what i get for having no friends. whatever.

peace be in your hearts...

ok, so i know that i do not have any children of my own. i know that i have never before in my life, in my whole 22 years of exsitence bore any children. i am not in the process of raising any children, my own or other wise. but heres a little bit of parenting advice for those of you who are lucky enought to be raising children at this current time...

please, for the love of God and all of society, do not take your kids to see movies such as freddy vrs jason. its just a really stupid thing to do. its stupid to take your 8 year old children to go see that movie when there are other movies out right now better suited for kids. don't take your kids to see horror movies full of cussing, blood, gore, nudity, sex and violence. just don't. don't take your kids to see movies like that and then wonder what you did wrong when your son turns 13 and picks colors and joins the local gang and begins knocking off 7-11's and eventuly starts killing people. i dont give a damn if you go yourself goes to see movies like that, but when you take take your kids, tomorrows future, and fill their minds with shit like that, it not only creates a problem for you as the parent, but it also creates problems for the rest of us. so, please, stop. just stop.

so, i went to see the movie today by myself and sitting right in front of me where a husband and wife with three children. one of them was a girl probably 16 or 17 and then, the thing that really killed me was the little boy who was probably 9 or 10 and the little girl who was probably 9 or 10 also. why the hell would you take your kids to see that movie? what would posess someone to do such a thing? i can tell you what would posess them to do it...

that just pisses me off. im damn pissed.

and you wonder whats wrong with kids these days. why dont you ask their stupid ass parents. they all deserve slaps.

there is a note sitting here on this computer desk, written by one of my little sisters that reads as follows :

" Brown/Black Boy +girl
2 White boys
1 Light grey boy
____________________

1 chesnut boy
Brown/White boy
black Girl "

i havnt the slightest idea as to what this note may mean. i sat there thinking about it for quite some time, drinking my coffee and thinking about it... but i never came up with any solution... and now i dont want to know what it means becuase it would take the mystery out of this little note that one of my sisters wrote... you might could say that i am perplexed by it...

anyhow, today i got paid and took a little trip down to auto zone were i bought the second lifting thing for the hatch of my van. now the back door opens wide and stays open. i also bought some sand paper, primer and white paint. im in the process of painting the ugly rust spot on the top of my van white, to match the rest of the car. so far, so good if i do say so myself. ive never painted a car before, so this is fun. especially since its my own car and people make fun of me for buying and fixing up my parents old mini van. shut up, people. its comfortable, roomy and very good on gasoline. your just jealous.

yesterday was sunday. after church we went over to the local air port resteraunt and ate lunch. it was awesome becuase it was so incredibly cliche of a diner. it was exactly like one of those small truck stop diners in the movies, except it was at a little air port and there were planes flying in and out. some guys landed there to eat breakfast, then they flew off. while we were there about 50 bikers pulled up to eat breakfast. our waitresses name was linda dn she was probably pushing 60 years old and she had a 80's style haircut and a raspy voice like she had been a smoker for many, many years. it was pretty awesome.

after we ate, woody, travis, corey and i watched the return of the living dead part 2. i wouldnt recomend watching this movie alone. not becuae its scary, but becuase its stupid. watch it with friends. enjoy.

i have a crush on this boy named jonathan who came into work the other day. he seems nice.

so, summer is almost over. everyone is going back to school again, all the summer activites are coming to a stop and the weather is cooling down.

hmm.

so, here i am sitting in my dads old, ugly, blue computer desk chair at his computer. its almost 8:00 on thursday morning. ive gotst my coffee here next to me in a little borwnish colored coffee with a picture of horse running on it and i think to myself, i have nothing to write about on my blog.

ive been having a hard time getting satsified with the layout of this page considering how much time i dont have to put into it and how much insperation i dont have as well.

things keep happening that make me want to puke all over certain peoples faces. when i think its getting better, something else happens and i want to puke again.

why the hell wont you walk her to the door when you drop her off at her house? why the hell do you park on the street and pull away before she even gets to the house? dont you care to see wiether or not your girlfriend gets to her house safely when you drop her off? dont you think it would be nice of you to walk her up to the door? your such a prick.

it just wont stop. i have this horrible feeling deep down in my stomach that its only going to get worse and worse and these inconsiderite little instances will keep occouring for the rest of her life and she is going to blindly put up with it, never realizing, despite the coaxing of her family who loves her, that she can do so much better and that God has a bigger plan for her.

whatever. what should i care? its her life after all. let he deal with it. its her problem.

its not that easy.

Lord, intervien... convict and strengthen...