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"glove. come here, glove..."
i love that movie. hey! chris has it! i want it back! poor chris... i have this terrible feeling that "they" are after him...

so, i bought this french vanilla folgers coffee last night. i was so excitied that they make that. i didnt even know. they also make hazelnut and some other kinds. but im pretty much in love with this french vanilla coffee. its so frickin good.

also, i recently added "cowboy" to my list of ideals for a type of guy. so, now my ideal guy is a hippe/grunge/punk/cowboy. God, i dont know how your going to pull that one off, but i trust you and i wont lower my standards. i dont know. not even necisarily cowboy, persay, but just someone who is semi-hickish or better yet semi-oakyish. you know, like semi-white trash. wOw... that did NOT turn out quite like i wanted it to... hrm...forget i said anything.

*sits alone in the dark downloading music watching the red goo in the lava lamp go up and down out of the corner of my eye*

happy frickin new year.

i think i am stuck in time... well, sort of. im kind of stuck untill i get my car put back together. i have no mans of doing anything by myself or for myself unless mom lets me borrow her car (wich she has been so graciously been doing ) and dad cant help me with my car untill march or so. i would ask my friends to come out here and help, but i dont have any friends and any friends that i do have know nothing about cars. why? becuase this generation of guys is so frickin lazy. if you are a guy in my generation and know things about cars and mechanics and particuarly putting an engine back into a '91 plyouth voyager, let me know. i would like to shake your hand and possibly employ you for the day to do so. im getting to the point where i might just consider paying someone to do this for me.

hm... stuck in time...you know how you can know when theres something wrong with you and you already know exactly what it is, but your not ready to be forgiven for it yet? your just not ready to give that completly up to God yet for whatever reason and you really dont know why? i hate that. why do i do that to myself. im just not ready to be forgiven yet. make since? hrm...

amy, thanks for calling me tonight. it means a lot to me. julia & vanessa, i hope you had fun with your family today. i look forward to having coffee. me, whoever you are, send me an e-mail or something. josh, thanks for hanging out with me last night. im sorry you missed ashly. that sucks. and also, i hope you were up at your cabin today painting landscapes...

im pretty much in love with billie joe from green day. the day i find me a hippie/grunge/punk guy who is in love with me is the happiest day of my life. i know your out there somewhere... i just cant figure out why your hiding from me...

damn stupid dreams about joel for the past three nights in a row. what the hell is up with that? get out of my mind, NOW.

so, me and my friend Apathy, are going to be hanging out for the christmas break. we dont have to go back to work untill next monday (thanks God...) so we get to sit around here at home and do nothing. ahhh sweet sleep. perhaps i'll work on some art. i have some images running through my mind that i really should sketch down and stuff.

weirdest thing, yesterday my heart hurt. no joke. my heart. i mean, it wasnt an unbearable hurt, but it was just a little pain. and it might not have even been my heart. it could have been my lungs or something. but dont be suprised if'n i end up in the histpital some time soon having some kind of open heart surgery or something. i swear, thats whats going to happen. i think as long as they have me open, i'll have some other stuff taken out too.just for the heck of it... like my tonsils or one of my kidneys or something. something i could do without. then, i could do one of two things with my kidney. i could donate it to some kidney donation thingy, or i could put it in a jar and set it on the shelf above my desk. or, even worse, i could put it in a jar and tie a bright red ribbon around it and mail to an enemy of mine with a little note that says "YOU".

god. thats horrible. heh... as if any of that would really happen.

welp, Apathy and i are going to clean my room now.

josh, i found your web page. :)

some people are so full of crap. i need someone to talk to. whoever you are, call me and we can go get some coffee and kick back. i need it.

just some stuff...

i found this blog tonight called " boys are stupid run over them with cars" it killed me. thats one of the most awesome blog titles ive ever seen. the blog itself wasnt that great, but hey, good job thinking up the title kid. rock on.

so, my new frame of mind as of the past couple of days is this: getting "hooked up" is cliche and untill the day that certain guy comes up to me and goes "hey april, want to hook up?" then i dont give a damn. seriously. what a waste of time. god. also, now more than ever, i am determined to get me some adorable "dirty hippie" guy with dirty hair. the kind who looks like he does drugs but doesnt preferibly. gross, huh? Mmm... grungy goodness... i love it...

ive honestly never felt as free as ive felt in the past few days. weird. im so freakin content. i love it.

boys really are stupid and should be run over by cars. well, most boys anyway. i can think of maybe, 4 boys who shouldnt be run over by cars. i wont name them though. haha...

ahhhh... bitter and jaded, yet happy. yes, i am truly happy.

wOw. weird post, eh.

*laughing* sickened??? who are these people?!

who is n/a,dreamsoftime and me? your comments on zays web site just about killed me. who are you? do you read my site? in any case, rock on. rock on.

wOw... i feel so free. now if'n i could just get my damn car to work...

damnit.

"man, in the dreamy state, is naturaly prodical & luxurious, the relaxed mind cannot lead a severe life." ~ victor hugo from Les Miserables

i want to have a relaxed mind.

in celebration of the fact that i am 72% grunge (aka grunge as hell), i have been wearing the same long black skirt without being washed now for like, four days. so what? im grunge. leave me alone.

heh. as if i didnt do this before i found out i was grunge.

as if i take that stupid grunge test seriously.

i would do anything to have my car fixed right now. so's that i can drive away tonight and be by myself somewhere and drink some coffee. like in the movies. ive been gathering some steaming thoughts about single women and todays society. its been making me pretty upset the way things are going. its really not the way God intended it to be.

also, i think i need to just throw this out there... when you have something sort of personal to say to someone, dont say it through an e-mail. that sucks. i apreciate the thought and everything, but seriously. hows about a written letter or something? some people piss me off. lord, grant me the grace to forgive...

josh w... thanks for caring so much about reaching out to me and inviting me to church the other night. it really blessed me. if'n i see you sometime soon, i would like to tell you in person. thank you.

i actually dont EVER listen to dashboard confessional. i dont even like them...

I am 48% Emo

Hmm.. I should stop listening to Dashboard Confessional.... enough said... Now that I stopped looking at my shoes, I know how the real world looks.
Take the Emo Test at fuali.com

hah. see? im not too goth...

I am 26% Goth

Goth ny night, normal by day. Deep in my heart I know I am evil, but not on the company's time. I do need to eat.
Take the Goth Test at fuali.com

good thing i never even claimed to be punk, eh...

I am 17% Punk Rock

It's not a fashion craze, or even a cool thing to do. I should just swallow it, get Lost, and take my friends with me.
Take the Punk Rock Test at fuali.com

ROCK ON! ive now found my true identity... grunge artist.

I am 72% Grunge

I am pretty dirty, all right and, I reek of teen spirit... I would sell my own children for a moldy hotpocket, man.
Take the Grunge Test at fuali.com

I am 56% Tortured Artist

Art is significant in my life, people are scum but I have the capicity to deal with it. Give it a few more years and I will either forget about art or hate the world.
Take the Tortured Artist Test at fuali.com

alien ressurection... wOw. what a gross movie. quite worth it though if'n you havnt seen it yet.

the art page is totally up and running. theres not really any new art yet, but everything on it works.

happy monday.

just to let you know, i added the artist page & the art page tonight. im aware that many links arent working yet, but i got sick of working with this tonight.

Mmm hazelnut coffee.

long black dress decorated with black lace, red doc martens, and a long black cape (with a hood). that was my outfit for the high-class, ever popular christmas tree auction last night. it was quite fun. would have been more funner if'n i had a date. but, you know how that goes. this guy goes to heather and i as we were just walking on by... "ladies! no one can love you as much as THIS guy can!" and he pointed to his buddy over there. i was thinking, "i hope youre wrong." am i serious about that? its just one of those things. i supose i could have gotten a date easy enough if'n i had tried.

so, all the free wine samples you could handle. i was responsible. i only had like, three glasses of red wine.

welp, todays agenda holds hanging out with sarah. thats about it i guess. i just woke up and got out of bed, so i dont really know whats going on yet. ah well. it was nice to sleep for 12 hours, eh.

God bless.

i bought a dress today. its a nice dress i think.

for some reason i keep having this re-accuring dream that c keeps coming up to me and going, "hey april, look i washed my hair! feel it! it feels clean! i washed it!" and he's all excited and stuff. well, good for you. washing your hair is a nice thing to do. but dont wash it TOO often, mind you. you might "wash all the funk out". shoot. its actually a pretty funny dream. i wish i could tell ya'll more about it, but i can't, eh. hah.

so, all's i need now is a stamp. to send something out in the mail, that it. too bad stamps are so expensive. grrr.

also, i hope josh didnt actually show up for church the other night becuase it was called off at the last minute and i figured what are the odds for josh going anyway, so i didnt bother to let him know church was called off. that would suck.

speaking of church, i have to go there now.

and so, last night God pretty much told me that its not all about me. its about other people. God put the word "precious" into my heart and mind. you see, i was putting together this little lesson for my high schoolers (the ones who didnt show up) and i was looking through the Peretti book "a wounded spirit" where he says something to the effect of...
"the message a bully sends is a mockery of Gods handiwork, a lie that slanders Gods nature and negates his love for us."
how could someone mock the creators own handiwork? how could we be-little and put down other people, when all we are doing is mockinf GODS HANDIWORK. and arent you and I Gods handiwork? didnt God create you and i? didnt he create us exactly how he wanted to? does God make mistakes? no. so, when he created you and i and other people, and he created us with our funny little "quirks" that cause us to put eachother down, was he making a mistake? DID GOD MAKE A MISTAKE WHEN HE MADE YOU THE WAY HE DID? NO. GOD DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES. when you think of it that way it kind of gets to you, huh... mocking Gods own handiwork... think about it...

so, God put the word precious into my heart. he told me that other people are precious. they are precious to him and they should be precious to me, since in my christian walk i should be striving to be more christ-like. Lord, help me to view other people as precious, so as that i may serve them better.

its not all about me. its all about God and then other people.

in other news (for those of you who DO care about me)... im doing somewhat better. kind of. sort of. ok, not really... but im trying to trust God. im trying to make him #1 priority in my life. im trying to remember that even though SOME PEOPLE may not love me, He does. and he always will. thanks for loving me, Jesus...

i hearby grant robby c the "funniest man of the year" award. well, i would if i had that award to give anyway... rob, i think your comments on other peoples blogs are absolutly HILarious. rock on.