i just really cant seem to get aholed of myself in the morning time... waking up in confused daze, wishing i was still asleep and watching the coffee bot brew up my best friend seems to be a consistant habbit i cant seem to break in my life. consitancy is important, right? i guess even that means that i am consitanly grumpy in the morning time, its alright... ive accepted it... i cant seem to stand it when people say good morning, but im getting better at accepting that some people feel the abosolute need to be cheery in the morning, no matter what time... no matter what time, weither that be 6:00 am or 8:00 am... but i still cant handle it. i loose it. i loose it in my head becuase i am learning more control over my outwardly expressions. i'll pretend like im happy to see you, put on a nice little sideways smile and then go about the business or whatever im doing or whatever im thinking about and i'll be alright. but really, you better belive that in my head i was wishing i wasnt smiling at you, not because i dont want to see you or i cant stand you, but becuase i just simply wish i was still asleep.

steven seems to be the only person on the planet who understands this and has continued grace and whatever and he is half a world away in missouri and i am left explaining myself to others.

consitncy... thats a good word. a word i can use to justify my morning grumpiness.