Thursday, February 12, 2004

quite some time ago, probably even a few years ago, i remember walking out in the orchards near my home. it was a beautiful afternoon (much like today) and i was having one of my usual conversations with God. i remember asking God to please humble me for reason. he just weighed it upon my heart to ask for humbleness, so i did. i remember attending a semenar of some sort not long before that, where the speaker said something about how when you ask for humbleness, God will usually answer your prayer and humble you. he ended with a little joke, that i have heard many times since, " so be careful what you ask God for becuase it might just come true". and sure enough, just as the speaker warned us, it came true. i really dont remember just how it happened, but i remember being humbled and i remember thanking God for humbling me.

well, on friday evening last weekend while i sat on the cabin floor and prayed over my jr. high girls, i made myself vulnerable to God. i told him that i was leaving myself body, mind, heart and soul, open to him to do as He would with me. i told him to use me and i told him i would do as he said. i left myself completly vulnerable to God.

on tuesday afternoon, my world fell apart. it felt as thought someone hit me in the gut with a 2x4.

last night, as i was trying to fall asleep i remember how i left my heart open to God and i found myself praying the same prayer, leaving myself vulnerable to God. i felt the peace of God cover me, a peace that passes all understanding. i trust Jesus. he has some wild plan for my life and he is going to unfold it in His due time. all i have to do is rest. rest in Him, trusting his will, trusting his power and might.

this morning i reviewed my finances for the next few months and im set up as far as bill paying goes. there is not much money left over for myself, but ive never had a lot of money so i'll make due.
im not going back to work at watsons.

thanks to those of you who have been praying for me. keep them coming.

i have a few ideas, but for the most part i have no clue as to what im going to do. all i know is that God is good and he will provide. he wants to provide, he wants us to leave ourselves open for him to work through us.

today is one of the most beautiful days i have ever seen. the mountains are clear. i found myself laughing for no reason in as i drove into exeter. i parked my car on e street and walked around for a while. i cashed my check and returned a book to the library. i sat in the park by myself on a swing for a little bit and then i had lunch at the wild flower cafe. it was just nice.

thank you Jesus...

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