i woke up sad this morning so i put on mascarea and fixed my hair and put on a nice shirt to try to make myself feel better. but then i blew snot right through my tissue and felt gross again and the familiar feeling of how outward beauty means nothing, returned to me and i wanted to go put on some ugly cothes to demonstrate the fact that beauty comes from within, not without, but i stopped myself becuase i am no better than anyone else and trying to prove that point might make me seem self-righteous. does writing this make me self-righteous? who am i?

i had a cigerette last night on the portch at about 4:00 a.m. (just to have that experience) and the world was a different place... the placement of the stars was unfamiliar and the moon was different, a moon i dont usually see seeing as though i dont usually go to the back portch at 4:00 a.m. but i liked that experience. maybe i will do it again some early morning...

i just found a quote on this computer desktop that says "a wise girl kisses but does not love, listens but does not believe and leaves before she is left." ~ marilyn monroe... i dont like that quote. i hope that there is not a girl in this house who saved this quote believing it was good and true, because it is not. it disturbes me that is was saved onto this computer, probably with the intent of remembering it or using it some day...

today is friday the 13th... but that really doesnt matter.