she struggled to pay attention to movie she had picked out to watch on the television. despite the fact that she was the only one still awake in her house, she was distracted. it was only 10:00 when she turned off the t.v. and decited to go to bed. for the first time in months she plugged the earphones into her ears and pressed play on the walkman, hoping to drown out the thoughts spinning in her head by the soothing sounds of a worship band. something to lull her to sleep so she could forget about the shit. something to distract her from the distractions. she lay flat on her stomach, head covered by the pillow, trying to rest. trying to sleep but the words of earlier that evening continued to ring through her head... pounding in her brain and skull... stabbing her heart and soul. she wondered, "will i ever be able to change? will i ever shed this image that ive made for myself? can i ever be good enough to cut it?"

suddenly the words of her father, wispering through the noise, could be heard... "i love you... you are beautiful... i know you are trying to change... i am helping you... you dont have to worry about what other people may say... i know your heart and despite what other people think, i know you are trying, you are beautiful... i love you..."

she smiled to herself. she forgot the cutting words. it didnt matter. it was over with, it was done with. she curled up in her fathers hands, singing praise in her heart. and she fell asleep.
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