i had disturbing dreams last night causing me to wake up in instant deep thoughts this morning...
one of the first things that crossed my mind is that sometimes i wear a mask... a phasod of april... seemily passive about certain things when really, inside my heart i have tons to say about it... but where are the words? spoken words frustrate me and dont come easily. they seem to stay stuck in a silent world somewhere, bumping around softly, sometimes violently, inside my head (or stomach) and every so often being released through writing or a drawing of some sort, my art.
but i also woke up thinking of friends... who are my friends? who are the people who ask me how i am doing, and really honestly want to know... do i know anyone, besides my family, who if i should happen to reply to their question of "how are you?" with "im not doing too good..." would persue that statement and care why i am not doing too good... there arent too many people out there who are honestly caring enought to listen through another persons problem, even a friends problem.
what are people so wrapped up in, that they forget about other people? am i caught up in that too? i like to think that im not... i like to think that i am genuine and that i really do care about peoples, especially my friends, heart conditions... if someone is not doing well one day, tell me and i would love to find out why and see if i can help in any way. sometimes all someone needs is someone to listen to them talk.
one guy i know old me yesterday that he has to work on christmas... but thats ok with him becuase he is always trying to look for ways to dodge family events anyway. he told me that he would tell me about it sometime and i really want to know. what is going on in his heart?
i care about other peoples hearts...
and then there is synergy... there are a handful of people who i know that i have synergy with... those people are the people (besides my family) that i am the most comnfortable around. i dont even know that much about them personally, and im sure they know even less about me personally, but just to sit with them is good. they are the people who i dont feel forced to be friends with. its natural and free. and there are only a couple of them. somtimes i wonder why we are friends and it all comes down to the synergy between us. we will always be able to have good conversations about art, music, the mountains and life in our small town.
i wouldnt even know where to begin telling these things outloud, although i would like to be able to. but i dont know how. how? how do you say things to people unless they ask? if they dont ask, then they probably dont care and i wouldnt want to waste their time by telling them anyway.
i think thats all i have to say. the words are not presented quite as poetic as they are in my head, but they will do, because at least they are there where you can read them if you care enough too.
so, now im off to be cozy for a while... sipping my green tea and waiting for my clothes to dry so they will be warm when i put them on... i have to work later. my last day... i will be back though...
peace & be well... and merry christmas.
one of the first things that crossed my mind is that sometimes i wear a mask... a phasod of april... seemily passive about certain things when really, inside my heart i have tons to say about it... but where are the words? spoken words frustrate me and dont come easily. they seem to stay stuck in a silent world somewhere, bumping around softly, sometimes violently, inside my head (or stomach) and every so often being released through writing or a drawing of some sort, my art.
but i also woke up thinking of friends... who are my friends? who are the people who ask me how i am doing, and really honestly want to know... do i know anyone, besides my family, who if i should happen to reply to their question of "how are you?" with "im not doing too good..." would persue that statement and care why i am not doing too good... there arent too many people out there who are honestly caring enought to listen through another persons problem, even a friends problem.
what are people so wrapped up in, that they forget about other people? am i caught up in that too? i like to think that im not... i like to think that i am genuine and that i really do care about peoples, especially my friends, heart conditions... if someone is not doing well one day, tell me and i would love to find out why and see if i can help in any way. sometimes all someone needs is someone to listen to them talk.
one guy i know old me yesterday that he has to work on christmas... but thats ok with him becuase he is always trying to look for ways to dodge family events anyway. he told me that he would tell me about it sometime and i really want to know. what is going on in his heart?
i care about other peoples hearts...
and then there is synergy... there are a handful of people who i know that i have synergy with... those people are the people (besides my family) that i am the most comnfortable around. i dont even know that much about them personally, and im sure they know even less about me personally, but just to sit with them is good. they are the people who i dont feel forced to be friends with. its natural and free. and there are only a couple of them. somtimes i wonder why we are friends and it all comes down to the synergy between us. we will always be able to have good conversations about art, music, the mountains and life in our small town.
i wouldnt even know where to begin telling these things outloud, although i would like to be able to. but i dont know how. how? how do you say things to people unless they ask? if they dont ask, then they probably dont care and i wouldnt want to waste their time by telling them anyway.
i think thats all i have to say. the words are not presented quite as poetic as they are in my head, but they will do, because at least they are there where you can read them if you care enough too.
so, now im off to be cozy for a while... sipping my green tea and waiting for my clothes to dry so they will be warm when i put them on... i have to work later. my last day... i will be back though...
peace & be well... and merry christmas.


0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home