anyway, i have put a lot of thought on the matter and i think that seeing this certain boy just recently was not the best thing for me. it was, in fact, not a good thing for me at all. it was nice to know that i have forgiven, and its nice for him to know that i have forgiven, but now i miss him like crazy all over again. its like brand new miss in my heart, if you know what i mean by that. it will probably be like this for the rest of my whole life. damn, damn, damn, damn, damn.
i kept catching myself saying these little things today. things that he said, things that we both said. little running gags and whatever. i kept catching myself saying things and thinking things that i thought a few years back. that i havnt thought of or said much within the past almost two years.
sometimes a thing can be so obviouse, and make so much sense that its like, "no sh*t sherlock" but it still doesnt happen. what really kills, and i mean brutaly kills, is when one person see's it and the other person doesnt. even after its been so damn long.
so you see, it really wasnt a good thing.
Lord, help me to trust. help me to trust...
just to give you an idea of EXACTLY what im feeling right now, heres a little song written by damon gough...
"theres nothing i could say to make you try to feel ok
and nothing you could do stop me feeling the way i do
and if the chance should happen that i never see you again
just remember that i'll always love you
id be a better person on the other side im sure
you find a way to help yourself to find another door
to shrug off minor incodents that mnake us both feel proud
i just wish i could be there to see you through
you always were the one to make a stand out in the crowd
though every once upon a while your head was in the cloud
theres nothing you could ever to do to ever let me down
and remember that i'll always love you "
and im sitting here with my best friends, coffee and apathy. apathy is kind of starting to walk out the door though, i think he is getting bored with me becuase ive been caring a lot about things over the past few days. coffee is still here though. my good and faithful friend. all nice and comfy and warm...
as apathy leaves, theres more room for Jesus...
i kept catching myself saying these little things today. things that he said, things that we both said. little running gags and whatever. i kept catching myself saying things and thinking things that i thought a few years back. that i havnt thought of or said much within the past almost two years.
sometimes a thing can be so obviouse, and make so much sense that its like, "no sh*t sherlock" but it still doesnt happen. what really kills, and i mean brutaly kills, is when one person see's it and the other person doesnt. even after its been so damn long.
so you see, it really wasnt a good thing.
Lord, help me to trust. help me to trust...
just to give you an idea of EXACTLY what im feeling right now, heres a little song written by damon gough...
"theres nothing i could say to make you try to feel ok
and nothing you could do stop me feeling the way i do
and if the chance should happen that i never see you again
just remember that i'll always love you
id be a better person on the other side im sure
you find a way to help yourself to find another door
to shrug off minor incodents that mnake us both feel proud
i just wish i could be there to see you through
you always were the one to make a stand out in the crowd
though every once upon a while your head was in the cloud
theres nothing you could ever to do to ever let me down
and remember that i'll always love you "
and im sitting here with my best friends, coffee and apathy. apathy is kind of starting to walk out the door though, i think he is getting bored with me becuase ive been caring a lot about things over the past few days. coffee is still here though. my good and faithful friend. all nice and comfy and warm...
as apathy leaves, theres more room for Jesus...
posted by april at
5:42 PM
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