i feel really sick....... like, God really gave me a kick in the butt........ i wonder what i did. i wonder if its something i didnt do. i wonder if i can change anything to make it different. i wonder what He's doing with me..... and how long will it take for something good to happen......

im really, very tired i think. three head aches today.

this is what i feel like: i feel like going somewhere far, far away. like, a ugly little island somewhere where there is no one else. when i get there, i would go out in the how sun in the middle of some big ugly field and then i would just melt away into almost nothing. that way i wouldnt have any problems and no one would bother me anymore. there would be nothing there to upset me or make me stress or worry. there would be nothing there to care about, so nothing would be bothering me.

this is another way to describe how i feel: i feel like there is this big, huge black room. and it has no windows or doors. there is no light in there. and somehow i got placed right in the middle of the room. i know how to get out, but i need help. and that help is not coming. its like, i *KNOW* what to do, and i *KNOW* what to expect, but i need help from someone and im not getting it.......

i feel like crap.