i started the day at 11:30 this morning, with a headache that would hurt the devil himself.
last night i watched a horrible movie called "ed gein" about non other than, ed gein! what made the movie horrible was not so much the story behind the film, but everything else. and i mean, absolutly everything else. the script, the actors, the directing, the lighting, everything. ugh.
so, what with watching the movie, and sticking close to the trend of my latest sleeping ailments, i also had nightmares last night. but i cured that by waking up at some un-godly hour to use to bathroom. when i went back to sleep, the nightmares ceased but only to give way to a disturbed sleep. my kingdom for a peaceful night of sleep.
despite all of the above, things were going fine. i had my rutine two cups of coffee, a little bowl of honey bunches of oats and then another two cups of coffee and i was nicely settled into the couch watching TLC's What Not To Wear marathon (my favorite show... i dont know why seeing as though i pretty much despise fashion... i guess its becuase i have a crush on clinton kelly). my headache was fading and the sky outside had started to cloud over, making for a beautifly dark grey day.
well, its now about 4:00 p.m. and my day is on a extremely fast downward spiral. i was reminded of the fact that i have no friends, my family is in a horrible rut becuase of the f'd up desisions of my younger sister, i share a room with that sister and i have no where to go but my room in wich i share with my sister.
my supressed feelings have come out through a few tears while sitting here mulling my situation over. writing about it. planning a web page makeover, reading through other peoples xanga sites about their problems, delemas, dramas, relationships. a certain story in particular really made my heart brake, reminding me of the past. the past when i had a good friend. that part of my life is over.
i was thinking of you today and if you ever wonder... wonder whats going on inside of me... i just want you to know that i never regret telling you what i did. i dont regret it and i never will becuase it was the truth. and i will never and should never be ashamed of the truth.
i think the truth makes people very unpopular. anyway, it has made me unpopular. after the shit ive been through with people candy coating the truth, i swore to myself i would never do such a thing. its not right, and the blow later hurts like hell.
later, a few years from now, you will think back about me and be glad that i told the truth. you may never tell me that you are glad, but somehow i will know it in my heart. i already know it. someday... if not already...
at this particular moment in time, i am miserable.
last night i watched a horrible movie called "ed gein" about non other than, ed gein! what made the movie horrible was not so much the story behind the film, but everything else. and i mean, absolutly everything else. the script, the actors, the directing, the lighting, everything. ugh.
so, what with watching the movie, and sticking close to the trend of my latest sleeping ailments, i also had nightmares last night. but i cured that by waking up at some un-godly hour to use to bathroom. when i went back to sleep, the nightmares ceased but only to give way to a disturbed sleep. my kingdom for a peaceful night of sleep.
despite all of the above, things were going fine. i had my rutine two cups of coffee, a little bowl of honey bunches of oats and then another two cups of coffee and i was nicely settled into the couch watching TLC's What Not To Wear marathon (my favorite show... i dont know why seeing as though i pretty much despise fashion... i guess its becuase i have a crush on clinton kelly). my headache was fading and the sky outside had started to cloud over, making for a beautifly dark grey day.
well, its now about 4:00 p.m. and my day is on a extremely fast downward spiral. i was reminded of the fact that i have no friends, my family is in a horrible rut becuase of the f'd up desisions of my younger sister, i share a room with that sister and i have no where to go but my room in wich i share with my sister.
my supressed feelings have come out through a few tears while sitting here mulling my situation over. writing about it. planning a web page makeover, reading through other peoples xanga sites about their problems, delemas, dramas, relationships. a certain story in particular really made my heart brake, reminding me of the past. the past when i had a good friend. that part of my life is over.
i was thinking of you today and if you ever wonder... wonder whats going on inside of me... i just want you to know that i never regret telling you what i did. i dont regret it and i never will becuase it was the truth. and i will never and should never be ashamed of the truth.
i think the truth makes people very unpopular. anyway, it has made me unpopular. after the shit ive been through with people candy coating the truth, i swore to myself i would never do such a thing. its not right, and the blow later hurts like hell.
later, a few years from now, you will think back about me and be glad that i told the truth. you may never tell me that you are glad, but somehow i will know it in my heart. i already know it. someday... if not already...
at this particular moment in time, i am miserable.
posted by april at
3:46 PM
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