well i thought i had it all figured out. im pretty prone to stressing out over stuff and this week i have been trying pretty hard to not get stressed or worried or too caught up in "stuff". at the beginning of the week i had it all figured out. just stay busy, i told myself. just stay busy, and stay one step ahead of everything that you have to do and you will be fine! so i stayed busy. and i stayed one step ahead of the game. i didnt go too far ahead. if i do that, i stress about things that are going to happen next week. i just stayed one step ahead. and it worked. i was awesome. but, i didnt count those few hours in the middle of the night when i wake up for no aparent reason. when i wake up and just lie there in the dark and be awake. thats when all that stuff that i havnt been thinking about catches up to me. thats when i get worried or stressed or emotional about "stuff". i didnt think about that time. that time in the middle of the night gets to me. either then, or right after i wake up in the morning right before i get out of bed or the hour or so it takes me to fall asleep. im a wreck. blah.

its done.

i dont think i want to go to calvin crest tomorrow. i dont think i really know what i want. actually, i *do* know what i want. never mind.

blah. stuff. you know.

~april